November 2003
november 2
I'm getting a ride to school with this guy. He drives and I have to sit in the backseat, and Gwen is there too. We have to share one seat and use this weird seatbelt that she says she hates. The guys grandfather comes along and starts yelling at us because he thinks we have sodas in the car, but we just have bottles of water. I'm at home and there is a weird, small hallway. The walls are covered with maybe hundreds of butterflies. They are all dark red and purple, and their wings are weird - dry feeling and kind of crusty looking. I'm sitting with this criminal and a cop in my kitchen. The cop (a woman) has been chasing the criminal (a man) for a long time. He asks her how much money it will take for her to leave him alone, and she says 72 million dollars. I know they like each other and I say to her, "Why don't you sleep with him? I know you want to." They both look at me as if I'm crazy. I'm upstairs and Greg has these two Chucky dolls that he scares me with. I do something to get back at him, and he starts to chase me. I jump down the stairs and run off to this huge room with glass walls. There is a tarp hanging over a lot of it so I try to hide behind it, but eventually Greg sees me and gets mad. I say to him, "Come on, we're even now, just forget it." I'm at my grandparent's house with my parents and I'm supposed to drive everyone around. My dad sits in the passenger seat, and my mom and grandparents are in the backseat. The car backs out of the driveway by itself, and on the street I try to get control of it but I can't. While driving I hear a siren somewhere so I try to pull off to the right side, but the car takes us into the parking lot of an apartment complex instead. When I try to drive it back into the street, it takes us into a gas station parking lot that is really crowded with other people and their cars. Dana is there and I tell her about the car not working right. She says that part of the steering wheel is probably missing, and so she fixes it. I'm in some basement in Brooklyn with a young guy (maybe 19 or so). The basement is a secret hospital for people who can't afford, or for some reason just can't go to the regular hospital. He tells me about a time when a guy needed a new kidney, and he brought him down here and literally threw one of his own kidneys at him so he could get it transplanted. He says the hospital is to make sure that everyone can get taken care of, one way or another.
november 6
I'm at my house and I have killed a couple of members of some family - the dad and the daughter. The rest of the family members are hiding in different rooms, and they're all naked. The brother is hiding in my bathroom. I change into the cop who is investigating the crime and there is a girl there, and I'm trying to keep her away from the crime scene and from seeing the bodies. The body of the father is hanging from the ceiling on the side of the entryway close to the stairs. His body is all weird, gray and cracked and is making these sounds like it's going to break open. I am guilty and everybody knows it but nobody seems to know what to do. Three or four girls take me to a psychic, saying she wants to see me. The psychic is an older blond woman and we meet her at a restaurant. I have a glass of orange juice. The waiter comes to take everyone's order (he is an old man and wearing one of those black-and-white referee shirts) but he doesn't take mine. I want french toast and I'm thinking about that while looking at him, and I realize that he can read my mind if I think it hard enough. I also have the same effect on everyone else in the restaurant, so I'm testing it out - thinking cute things and making them laugh, and thinking bad things to make them stop smiling. I'm going on a trip with a bunch of people from high school. We go on a bus and there are lots of stops on the way. I'm checking my cell phone and it says that I have 10 new messages, and I want to use the regular phone to check them so I don't use up my minutes. There is a girl who keeps tying up the phone so I have to wait a long time. I am being mean to Maria because I suspect her of doing something (?) and I think that listening to the messages on the phone will give me a clue. When I finally get the phone, everyone on the bus is being so loud that I have to turn the phone all the way up. Dana is being rude to me for being rude to Maria. The first message I have is a really long one, from this guy who is in charge of an African museum that I had called to ask him about. Our class ends up at a picnic, and lots of people are really angry at me now. The girl that I thought I killed is there with her baby, and so I'm thinking she can't be too mad at me. I'm eating a lot of berries (raspberries and/or blackberries). I'm driving alone and having a hard time of it. The road is weird and slippery, and once at a stoplight I accidentally bump into the car in front of me, but they don't seem to notice. It's an orange car and the people in the front are ignoring me and just talking. At one intersection, I get confused about whether my lane goes straight or has to turn to the left, and I end up doing this illegal turn into a parking lot. A cop comes and asks me about it, and I explain to him that I'm new at driving and he says "Oh, okay" and just leaves.
november 7
My mom and I are waiting for Rose's mom to come over and watch videos. I'm watching TV and Greg comes in and says he wants to watch TV at 10:30 (it is 10:15). I say he can have a turn at 11, but then I remember we're going to be watching movies. I'm making some garlic bread, and I'm melting a whole stick of butter to mix up with the garlic stuff, and looking for the brush to put it on the bread. I'm making another dish that has crumbled ground beef, pepper (lots of it), garlic, and other things. It turns out to be a dessert. It is supposed to be like a pudding but it looks a lot more like a clear-white soup, and it has berries floating in it. My dad comes in the kitchen and says he'll fix the dessert, and we get into an argument. I'm hanging out with some girl. Her car is some kind of ugly "classic" car, and first it is red but later changes to black. We go to Costco but it is over near the mall in Antioch. While we are there I think that I should have brought a CD that I wanted to return. When we leave, my right leg is hurting really badly and so the girl has to help me over to her car, and puts me in the backseat. We go to a restaurant and I'm in a wheelchair even though I could still really walk if I had to. The girl is having a hamburger and fries, and I just sit and watch her while she eats. Then she gets up and gets me a tray, with a cheeseburger and fries, so I thank her. I change into a black man and while we're leaving this blond woman behind the counter is flirting with me. I kind of flirt back but not too much because I think one of the other guys working there is racist. I am the character Sara Sidle from CSI and Catherine Willows and I are investigating a crime scene at some picnic. There are a lot of people there and also a baby that I'm trying to keep away from the crime scene. Under one of the tables are these puddles of blood. We pour this weird liquid vaseline over them, and it solidifies into this weird jelly.
november 9
I'm at this party and these two guys get into a fight. One of them is actually doing most of the fighting and the other one (that I think is really nice even though I don't know him) is just kind of taking it. He's not getting hurt but I go and try to lock myself in a bedroom (it takes me a long time to get it to lock because there is a pretty big gap between the door and the frame. I look under this desk and I find a phone book, and on the cover they have phone numbers for the police. I am unsure of which one to call; I don't think it's serious enough for 911, but all of the other numbers are listed for health problems like heart attacks. I'm part of this big group of people who have to go through this weird obstacle course. The guy who is in charge of it is really cute so I'm nervous about doing things the right way. At one point, we have to run in an '8' shape around these weird blocks of wood. There is a part where you have to climb into a weird, meshy swing (it has more than one seat but really one person can do it at a time), and so I get in and swing for a couple of minutes. I have my eyes closed so I get all dizzy and fall on my face into the sand. The cute guy rushes over and asks if I'm okay, and I say "I'm fine, but my head hurts - but not from falling, I mean, I got dizzy." At the next part, we have to crawl under a weird platform, bring out these pipe cleaners, and attach them to pens a certain way, and I get everything all mixed up. After, a bunch of us are just lying down and relaxing and talking, and the cute guy is on my left. He has his arm kind of close to me and his elbow is poking me in the stomach, and I tell him and he just smiles at me.
november 11
My family is at the old house and I want to go for a walk, but I keep seeing this dog outside that I don't want to run into. It keeps showing up and I decide that there must actually be a lot of dogs from one litter. Gina is cleaning the bedroom and is doing a pretty good job. She tells me to clean some of my stuff that is all disorganized, on the very bottom of the bookshelf. I find a bunch of old letters and copies of my junior high school newspaper. I also find three crosses. One of them is this really pretty one that also has a small key dangling from it, and the other is kind of cube-shaped. I'm outside and sitting in a car with this girl. I am trying to work on writing something, but I start to fight with this guy who is either my husband or boyfriend. His name is Eddie, he has dark hair and is in his late 20's/early 30's. When we fight he occasionally hits me. We're fighting because he thinks I care more about what some other guy (?) thinks than he does. He screams really loud "Fuck you!" and I scream back "Fuck you too!" even though now, across the street, there are two young girls and their mom listening to us. The mailwoman comes down the street and I ask her if she has any mail for Eddie, and she says no. She has a list of everyone who has gotten mail and she gives it to me. The mom and the girls from across the street have come over, and they say they want me to give them the list. I say that it's federally protected (?) and tell them that if they want to see it, they'll have to take me to court. I'm reading a book that is the third in some 'American Psycho' series. It wasn't written by Bret Easton Ellis, but based on some story of his that someone else found. I'm in the shower and the drain must be clogged, because the water is rising. The water is blue with some darker-blue swirls mixed in. I'm on my period and I think that it's not right, because I just finished not too long ago.
november 21
I'm driving around by myself in this white car. I stop in at a gas station/convenience store. I come back out into the car and I'm waiting to back out, but I have to wait a long time because all of a sudden a bunch of cars are going through the parking lot. I am thinking that I should go home soon, or call because I have been out for a long time, but decide not to. I'm hanging out with this group of people and we're being followed by this group of what we call "The Popular Girls." They are driving around in a peach VW and following us everywhere we go. I'm in a store with one of the guys I'm hanging out with (he's named Seth) and the cashier points out the girls, who are in the parking lot and staring at us. A couple of them are in the store and as we pass each other I flip them off. My group is driving around in this blue car that looks fairly small from the outside but the trunk is really big, which is good because we all have a lot of things to put away (I have a Caboodles and a pink posterboard, although the poster is folded up). We end up at this Raiders store, and I'm walking around with Seth. One of the popular girls is trying to get a keychain he has, because it has proof that we did something bad. One of the keychains has these blocks that spell out 'LIVE' or 'LIVES' on it. To keep the girl from getting it, Seth drops the keychain down into this hole. The girl thinks she can still get it, but I manage to push it down farther, and then spit into the hole and say "Now I know you won't get it." She starts chasing me up and down this really weird, trapezoid-shaped set of stairs. When I get to the bottom I am completely free from her, and I run into my mom. I have these two receipts (one is for 7.99 and I think it's the one from the gas station) and I realize that together, they might total more than I have in my checking account. I want to hurry and go home so I can see if they do or not, even though I know that if they do I won't be able to anything about it.
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