December 2003
december 1
I'm with a bunch of other people, and we are all on motorcycles because we're going to be in a race around some track. At first we're still riding but then it changes so we're walking. A lot of people drop out and just stand on the sides and watch, but I keep going. The course is really narrow and a couple of guys squeeze past me. There is a girl there who is bullying me, shoving me and trying to trip me when I go past her. She calls me a bitch and I ask her why. She looks at all of the jewelry I'm wearing and says she's going to take one of my rings. I'm wearing the one with the blue heart, and the one with the dark red stone. I want to keep the red one more so I say "Please, please don't take the blue one" so she does take the blue one. She has a bunch of pills with her, and I seem to also, because I show her mine and say "Let's have a pill party." I'm thinking that if she knows we're on the same medication then she will be nice to me. I ask some guy there to help me, to get her to leave me alone, but he doesn't know what to do. My family still lives in Pittsburg and I'm in my parents room playing video games. I come out and my parents tell me that Ed has been there for awhile. I say "Why didn't anyone tell me?" and I run into him in the hallway. We start talking and he comes with me into my room. I'm wearing sweatpants and decide I want to change into jeans. He sits down on my bed and closes his eyes, but I think he peeks while I change my pants. He says something like, "You must be really popular." I say something sarcastic but flirtatious in reply.
december 2
Some of my family is over, and I want to take a shower but they're all hanging out in that room so I have to go into this weird bathroom on the second floor. The shower is really weird and big, and the water gets all over the floor and I have to kind of kick it down into this weird drain that leads into a sink on the first floor. I am on my period and bleeding so heavily that I'm afraid everyone is going to find out. Later I go into my own bathroom and it's all dark so I think I'm alone. Then I open the shower curtain and Lola is standing there, all wet and wrapped up in a towel. She says that she got into a fight with someone named Gary, who beat her up because he has some kind of problem with me.
december 3
Mark comes over to visit me. First he tries to tease me and say that he's there to see my dad. He (Mark) is bald and he has a goatee, and my brother doesn't recognize him. He has some other guy with him, and a dark-haired girl. Maria calls my house and asks me to turn on my cell phone, and asks me for the number. She is really just trying to get me to tell her why it won't work when she calls the number, but I don't want to tell her that I couldn't pay the bill. The phone itself still works, and has this really cool ring tone, but I don't know what number people are calling to reach it. I go out driving, but the car is a weird kind of scooter, and I'm afraid to put things in its basket because I think they'll fly out. Rose and I are out, and we run into Andrea, who is working at a deli. All three of us get into an argument about it. My dad says to make it up to Andrea I should buy her some orange or grape juice. I look around my house to see if we have any, but we don't.
december 4
Mark comes over, and I go with him, Rose, and maybe other people to the grocery store. I manage to park pretty well, but I push this shopping cart into an empty space. I have to move it because someone wants to park there, and they are really nice to me and patient while I move it. Later, I'm working at the same store, and the boss calls everyone into the back (we're all wearing uniforms, some white shirt with a design and black pants) to talk about stealing. There is some new product, a salsa that is supposed to be so good that people can't resist taking it.
december 5
I lived back in Pittsburg, and I'm in high school but I can still drive. I'm in a class that has a substitute, and we get to watch "The Faculty." Everyone is sitting on the floor. I'm sitting next to a cute guy who looks a lot like John Cusack (but he's my age). I get up to go to the bathroom, but each bathroom I go to is all weird, with both boys and girls, so I decide to just go back to class. When I get there, this blond guy is sitting next to the cute one so I have to squeeze between them. The blond guy leaves, and I'm talking to a girl who is a new student. She shows me some CD's she brought to school with her - REM, Switchblade Symphony, and others. It's the end of the day and I'm talking to the cute guy. He seems kind of depressed and I'm trying to cheer him up. I ask him if we wants a ride home, but he says no. I say something about not wanting to leave him when he seems so sad. He seems to feel better and so I go to the cafeteria with the new girl and some other people. I save a table for us while the new girl gets some ice cream. The cute guy keeps walking outside, past the window my table is next to but he's trying to look as if he's not doing it on purpose. The new girl and I are talking, and she really doesn't want to tell me where she's from, but finally says "East Number Nine." She says that at her old school, they had something called the "Soy Sauce Club", and we try to figure out if it's the same thing as the Asian Club at Pitt. It's not. Later, I'm in this weird, scary building with a blond girl. She's wearing a polka-dot dress. We go into this bathroom, even though I know the lights will go off and a scary guy will appear. I'm watching something on the news, but I'm seeing it as if I'm there. This school bus crashes because it's raining really hard and they go over a speed bump too fast. I don't know if everyone was seriously hurt because I see some students who are upset, asking other drivers if they can take them home.
december 8
I'm supposed to go to the prom with Dana and a whole group of people. Dana needs to make this special cherry drink, so we stop at this store and she asks me to go in and buy the cherries. As I walk up to the doors, this short guy with dark hair starts trying to block me from getting in. When I do get inside, he is trying to keep me away from the fruit section. I'm getting really angry and cussing at him. Finally I manage to get the cherries, and go to the register to buy them. The short guy was just ahead of me in line and leaves. On this little paper that is with my ATM card, the cashier writes that two people named Bob and Tom can use my card also. I say "Who are they?" and cross their names off. While leaving the store, the short guy manages to get the cherries out of my cart, but I don't realize it until I'm heading back to the car. I start crying and Dana comes over to see what's wrong. I try to explain to her about the guy, and she is humoring me but thinks I'm crazy. She goes back in the store and gets the very last container of cherries. Later, I'm at home getting ready for the dance, and she comes and tells me that she was taking the cherry drink (slushie?) there, and that the short guy made her spill it all over the place. She isn't mad because she's pretty sure that he did it for a good reason. I know that it is part of this huge conspiracy but don't say anything because I don't want to get in trouble. While Dana is still there, this van goes down my street at the same time that a helicopter goes overhead. They are both playing music really loud, and I know that they do it a certain time everyday. At that time, everyone is supposed to write in their journals, and if they do it the conspiracy people will be able to read their minds. I'm in this really crowded department store, with a shopping cart that has a lot of stuff in it. At one aisle, the lights start blinking and an announcement says that whatever you can find that has a price tag listing $99 as the price, you will get it for only 5 cents at the cash register. I keep looking while the lights blink but I only find one thing. Then as I'm still walking around, I see that everything in my cart is $99, and I wonder if I will be able to get away with paying hardly anything. I decide to go looking at purses and jewelry, thinking that if things cost too much I'll just say I don't want them after all. As I'm walking, I hear these two girls having a conversation about some disease that you will probably get if you go down on almost any guy in Brazil. Later I see one of them at this cafe in the store, being bothered by these two guys. They are flirting with her because they read in some book that she was really good at oral sex.
december 16
My mom and grandma had put some ad in the paper, about starting some kind of movie club. They are contacted by this couple whose house we are all supposed to go over to, but plans change and they are coming over to our house. I am trying to hurry and get ready, so I take a really quick shower. Still, when I get out the people are already there and see me walking around in my towel. I'm looking in my dresser for underwear but it seems as if every pair has one or more holes in it. I notice that some pairs are getting stuck in the back of the dresser so I pull them out - there are two pink pairs and one yellow pair. Finally I get dressed and go out. We're gathering a bunch of these frozen appetizers to make but we are so disorganized I don't think they ever do get cooked. The couple that has come over is older, and the man is wearing this really weird blue shirt. I'm sitting at the table with Elaine and Rose, and they are making fun of Amber. They both work with her and I'm not sure if she really did something stupid or they are just being mean, but I think they're just being mean. She comes over and they keep it up. I feel bad but don't say anything. Soon she stands up and starts yelling, saying that they're jealous of her, and says something about how good she looks in the dress she is wearing. She runs off and both of them go after her to apologize. They come back and all three of them have turned into different people. Now they are Lola, Patty, and Sally. They all look kind of dazed, and Lola's face and eyes are all red as if she's been crying. Sally tells me that they went in the back room and "did some blow." I'm at Barnes and Noble with Dana and Mark at night. We all choose a bunch of different things and take them up to the counter, but ask the guy to hold onto them for awhile. We walk around the shopping center, and both of them are saying weird, random, funny things to the people nearby.
december 17
A bunch of my family is staying in this weird cottage/house for vacation. We've been there awhile and we're talking about what food we're going to get for the rest of our time there. Everyone else is sitting around the table, and there is a chair free next to Rose, but I don't want to sit down because there's a broken glass on the floor next to it. All of us come home for a short time, to get more stuff for the rest of our vacation in the cottage, but everyone is really reluctant about returning. While I'm in my room getting some stuff together, Dana comes over and I tell her to open her Christmas present. She's distracted by something and I'm suddenly worried about the gift (that something is wrong with it) so I open it myself. It is all normal except for an opened package of tissue paper (it's decorated with little gold stars) and also a bunch of my old bank statements and receipts. I put those things in this black garbage bag sitting in the room, and I'm looking through that same bag to see if there's anything I can take with me. I find an orange cell phone shaped calculator, and also this small container of makeup (Lancome). The makeup looks strange; a regular powder on the bottom, but it's bubbly and melty on the top. I decide to try it, and at first it seems to make my skin look pretty good (shimmery but not like shiny) but soon it turns green so I go to wash it off. I am really scared to go back to the cottage so I am searching around my room for a Virgin Mary statue to take with me. I find one but think it is too big, so I get a smaller one. When I'm holding the smaller one I realize that it is in a different position than usual (her arms are still held out but her face is pointed all the way down so you can't even see it) and so I'm totally freaked out, and put it back where it was without looking at it. I'm staying with these two girls in some weird, hidden room, and one of them is hiding in this huge closet because there is another girl stalking her. The stalker comes and so I run to the closet and try to shield the hidden girl, but it doesn't work. Finally we all just all go out to the main room (bedroom) and talk about it.
december 19
I get home (to Brentwood) and my mom tells me that Maria is dead. It's the next day and I'm getting ready for the funeral (I'm back in Pittsburg). I'm not sure if the funeral is supposed to start at 10:30 or 11, but it's almost 10:30, so I'm rushing to get ready. I'm having problems figuring out what to wear. I have a black shirt but can't find black pants or my skirt so I decide to just wear jeans. I put on some of my nice shoes but for some reason don't take off my regular socks. I think that I should take off my socks and put on nylons but it's already past 10:30, and I'm already late so I have to leave.
december 20
My parents are supposed to be looking after someone's house, I'm not sure whose. We don't have to stay there, but just stop by sometimes. My brother and I go with them. In the bathroom there is this really huge tub that I want to take a bath in so I do. There are are a bunch (eight or nine) of these small, plastic tubs that are in the bathtub and I have to keep them arranged a certain way. The four of us are sitting in the backyard and my parents are just talking. I open this cupboard and there is a bunch of food. I find three of those Lindor truffles, two that are dark chocolate and one that is white chocolate. I give my mom the white chocolate one and keep the dark chocolates for myself. Everyone is over at our house and we're just kind of hanging out. Rose comes to talk to me and says she might have bad news. She hands me this letter (to her from her ?grandparents?) that she just got. The envelope hasn't been opened yet and I tell her she's the one that has to do it. Later I'm by myself and I hear the phone ring. Rose answers it and tells my mom it's the management of ?some store? where my mom had put in an application. The only jobs they have left are in the liability department. Rose tells my mom they can pay her 200 (a week?) and my mom says to ask for more. Rose says "600!" and the people hang up on her. Rose is supposed to get married so everyone is rushing to get ready. I absolutely do not have anything to wear. I end up going to Claire's and look for a shirt, but they don't have any good ones, so I decide to wear one I already have. I want to wear a skirt but I haven't shaved my legs. I try wearing a pair of knee highs, and then put on another pair, but it doesn't look very good. I don't have any nice pants, just a bunch of jeans.
unknown
I'm at the Hollywood Video in Pittsburg, trying to pick something out. My parents are waiting for me in the car. I get in line and when it's almost my turn I realize that I haven't even chosen anything. There are a few movies close to the counter so I pick up "Party Monster." It's not the real one; it has a yellow cover and pictures of four different actors, one of whom is Edward Norton. I see "200 Cigarettes" and almost get it. These old women behind me are trying to get in front of me, and ask if they can go ahead. I tell them that I have to go to work right after. Another register opens up so they go first anyway. This blond girl working behind the counter is upset that I got "Party Monster" because she liked to rent it everyday, herself. I get that, some CD or DVD, and this weird container of stickers.
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