January 2004
january 4
Chuck Palahniuk is going to be doing a book signing so I go. It's at this place that is both a school and a store. The first place we have to wait (there are a lot of people there) looks like a woodshop class. Someone goes around and gives everybody this survey/information form to fill out. There is some secret document going around that we're not supposed to see, and if you touch it, your fingers turn yellow. This girl gets a container of yellow paint so that we can dip our fingers and say that's what caused the yellow, in case anyone finds out. Then we move to the store area, and when we finish filling out the forms we can get in line to get our stuff signed. I've brought my copy of "Invisible Monsters" but it looks different. Chuck Palahniuk is at the end of this checkout line, with people in line at the register. Because of this weird wall I can't see the end of the line, and I worry it's going to be very long so I go up. When I get to the end of the line I realize there are only about eight people in front of me. I see Dana at some other register and I wave to her. She comes up and starts telling me about how she had gone to a book signing for another author and it cost way too much money.
january 5
I'm driving and get onto Brentwood Boulevard. First everyone is in cars (obviously) but then it changes and a bunch of people are in line, on bicycles. In front of me are a bunch of guys I went to high school with and they keep making fun of me. One of them throws a couple of rocks and hits me in the head. I'm talking to this girl who is saying I need to stick up for myself. I tell her that they're going to tease me anyway, and if I say something they'll just do it more. We end up at Pitt and I'm afraid the guys are going to bother me or follow me around but they don't. It looks like LMC and I go down to the first floor, where Mr. Bailey's class is. I'm there too early and there are bars around the class. I come back in a few minutes and peek in the door. He is there with two students who are making up a quiz. He tells them "I'm going to leave for a couple of minutes" and I'm afraid he's going to come out where I am, ask what I've been doing since graduation, and I'll have nothing important to talk about. He doesn't. People from my class start coming in so I go in and try to find a good seat. I sit in a back row with a bunch of girls. I'm in the back of this van that's parked on my grandma's street. There is this weird video game system attached to these black tennis shoes. When you want to play you put on the tennis shoes and run. I don't try because I know they're too small for me (I know they're a size 9). I find this black CD holder and start to look through all of the little pockets inside it. In one, I find an old homework assignment, and a bunch of money. There are a couple of 50's, some 10's, and a bunch of 1's. I am afraid someone will come and rob me, and I think these people across the street are watching (they have a security camera on their porch) so I stuff all of the money into my bra to look at later. I'm thinking the money might be counterfeit because I thought I saw Lincoln on one of the 50's.
january 6
I get in the car and start driving but I realize that it's still in park and the emergency brake is on. Once it's started I can't get the car to stop, so I have to drive around. I almost lose control near this fair (there are lots of balloons, mostly blue) and finally park, almost knocking this woman over. I run into Dana, who tells me that she had some problem with her car also and had to leave it on the side of the freeway.
january 7
I go to a party at someones apartment and head straight for the bathroom to put a necklace on. It's adjustable and at first it's too tight. When I try to fix it, all the different charms on it get disorganized and I start getting annoyed. While fixing the necklace I mess up this teal sweater I have tied around my shoulders. When I get out, it looks a hallway at LMC and I'm talking to this blond guy (I think wearing a leather jacket?) about what it's like being back from vacation. Another guy I know comes up and I don't bother to introduce them because I assume that they'll introduce themselves. I'm at a party, in a room that looks like our kitchen. In the very bottom cupboard are some things I've made - chocolate chip bar cookies and either lasagna or pittsburger. I'm trying to hide them because I think I have another party to take food to, and I don't want to have to cook again. When I'm sure nobody is watching I sneak out a couple of brownies and eat them. I'm out with my mom and we go to this roadside stand, where this woman is supposed to have a bunch of different crafts. When I try to walk over, there are a bunch of really irritating high school girls in my way. They're having some meeting and it takes me forever to get past them. There is another girl there who finds them annoying and we look at each other and roll our eyes. I go over and the woman has a bunch of small dogs in little cages. Suddenly it's in a store/house and I go through a room that has a bunch of Halloween decorations for sale. I see my mom and another person over by a couch in the living room, and I go over. It's midnight and we all start yelling and shaking the couch because it's New Years Eve. From the big window I see a bunch of really elaborate fireworks (words, the Disney logo) and point them out, because I'm amazed that we can see them so well. Someone says, "It's like that everywhere on New Years Eve."
january 8
We live in Pittsburg and I've just gotten home from somewhere (my grandma's?). There is something wrong with my clothes and I have to change. My mom is yelling at me because dinner is starting (it's Thanksgiving) and I'm not ready yet. Finally I get out to the table and apparently we're eating in different courses, so I'm holding everyone up. I try to hurry and eat the dish, which is zucchini and/or squash (it's yellow and green). It's later and Rose and her mom are giving me a list of movies to rent for us: Batman, Terminator 1, 2, and 4 (?), and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. It's night and I'm at Longs buying a couple of things. I get something from a back room and I go into the front to get some makeup. I pass by this cashier, who is freaking out, and asks me to please say something to her. I do and then a bunch of other people show up. Dana is there and asks if I want to go do something. I try to find the makeup I need but don't, so we just go outside. There is a club nearby that she says one of her friends runs. To get there we have to walk through this weird, creepy path. It's completely dark and we can barely see. She says that if I feel anything bump into me, it's just a dead chicken, which is part of "the thing" at the club. There are three people following us: Two guys (one has a video camera) and a girl. We get inside the club and it's still dark except for a few strings of colored lights (most of them red). She leads me around carefully, and when the lights go on I see why. There is a huge, round platform in the middle that spins around. You are supposed to climb on it and dance. Gwen is there. I climb onto the platform and I'm having a really hard time staying on. I try to hold peoples hands but some of them get annoyed. Everyone leaves the platform for awhile, and I go to this area with benches where my dad and grandmother are. The DJ starts playing "Like a Prayer" so Dana and I go sit on the platform alone, and sing along. I'm with my mom, Rose, and some other people walking in this weird alley. I see a man trying to abandon this cute dog so I ask him to call the pound and have them pick him up. When my mom and I get all the way to the back, we find a bunch of stuff that we had given away. I'm looking through a bunch of jewelry (bracelets and rings) that I'd given away, and I decide to take a lot of the rings back. I find three identical ones, big pink hearts surrounded by tiny rhinestones. My mom starts asking me about a boy who lived in our street, and tells me that Gina didn't like him because he made fun of her. I'm in this class, and the teacher has brought a comedian/clown there. The teacher says now that our parents have figured out what's funny and what isn't, we're going to learn.
january 14
We're living in Pittsburg and having a yard sale, but I don't realize it until I go outside and see all of the stuff my mom put out. All of the stuff for sale is in the back of this pickup truck that's parked in the driveway. I look briefly at all the tapes and books. My brother is looking at the books and trying to find ones in a specific series (Super Boy or Boy something). There are these two guys that come along, a man and his son, and they have these two huge dogs with them. They are angry at someone but I don't know who. I go inside and this guy in there asks me why. I say that I like the tension inside better than the tension outside. My mom and I stay overnight at my godmother's house, and when we come back, my grandma says that if we had stayed past two then she would have started calling. I'm looking under my bed for something because I want to put it in an easily accessible place, so I can get it when my sister falls asleep (we're sharing a room again?). I'm in this class with Dana. We sit in the back and talk to this girl and her boyfriend. At first we're all little (second grade maybe) but later we're our regular ages. We have to choose where we want to sit permanently, and we have to get these weird figurines from a desk up front and put them where we want to sit. My figurines are these two penguins. The teacher, when making up the seating chart, also asks you what you want the 'limit' to be; how many weeks it will be before you can ask to move, if you want to. I doubt I'll be wanting to change seats but I just say six weeks.
january 15
I'm sitting with my family in this dark room, waiting for this woman/angel to come. It's going to be the end of the world soon and she's coming to help prepare us for dying. We're talking about different religions and want to find out a particular thing so we look in this book called 'Religion in 10 Minutes' but we don't find the answer in there. There's actually hardly anything about religion in the book. So the angel is going to be there soon, and I go to my room to change. I put on a pair of jeans, and they are too tight so when I pull them up it makes this tearing sound. There's not a real hole, but kind of a patchy spot that is covered up by the dark pink sweater I put on. My room is pretty messy so I think I should clean it, but then wonder if it matters. The angel comes and tells me that I need to go through all the drawers in my dresser and take out everything (clothes, books, etc) that is colored black. She goes through the top drawer with me, pointing out different things. She can't touch anything that's black or she gets hurt somehow. She gets confused by this one plastic bag that has a white slip covering up a black wig, so I tell her I'll get rid of the wig. When I'm done I have this big pile of stuff that I don't know what to do with. I know I should clean my room but I'm getting annoyed at the idea of the whole thing so I decide not to. A bunch of my relatives show up and we're having a dinner. I'm late to it and so when I get out there, I want some of these yummy potatoes but everyone tells me I can't have them, because there's only enough left for Rose and someone else, because that's all they'll eat. I get some chicken and I'm really mad that I don't get to have what I want to eat for what is probably going to be my last meal.
january 17
I'm with Gwen and Zach and we're going to be staying at someone's apartment/condo for awhile. It's this huge place, really modern with all of the latest technological stuff. Zach says, as kind of a joke, that it's so fantastic that it must be owned by the devil, and when he says that I immediately know that it actually is. There are different rooms for each of us. Both Gwen and Zach have a master bedroom, with their own bathrooms and fancy electronics. I have a huge room of my own, but there's nothing much in there except for the three beds (a king, and two twin-sized daybeds, one white, one pink) and "my" bathroom is down the hall. Zach and I go down to the basement, which is full of old stuff, especially old toys. He finds these two small stuffed animals, both bunnies, that have price tags on them. One is for $3.50 and the other is for $4 or $4.50. He says that they're really valuable and he could probably sell them for about $300 each. He says that he won't, though, because now the owner of the place is sitting in this wooden rocking chair in the corner. It's the devil but he looks like a regular guy: kind of short, dark brown curly hair, kind of a small build. He is staring at us really intensely and I'm getting freaked out even though he doesn't talk to us. It's the day we're supposed to be leaving, and I'm staring at the clock, waiting for it to be 2:00 so I can call my mom. I have to drive myself home at exactly 3:00.
unknown
I'm reading on Yahoo and watching on TV that this actress has just died. The show was doing an episode where they went to the carnival, and everyone was riding on the Ferris wheel. This girl was in a chair by herself, and there was something wrong with her lap belt so she fell out when she was at the very top. They got it all on tape and I wonder if the TV station made it play in slow motion or if she really fell that slowly.
january 23
I'm in Pittsburg and I drive over to Heights and just wait in the parking lot. There is this Asian girl, about 11 or 12 years old, looking really sad and she comes over to the car. I scoot over to the passenger seat and she gets in the drivers seat. She's asking me a lot of questions about where things are on the car (lights, etc) and I'm wondering why she's asking these kind of questions when her grandfather comes over. They are trying to steal the car. I lean out of the car and start screaming at anyone around what they're doing. Everything gets worked out somehow and I'm driving with my family (it's Christmas or Christmas Eve, night already) and we're going to see Jonathan and his family at their new apartment. I'm surprised at how big and nice it is. There is this kind of courtyard in their apartment complex and it has a really nice fountain. I'm starting a new job at this 7-11/gas station. I'm worried that I'm going to be late but luckily I get there on time. I park the way I usually do, going through one parking space to another so that I'm facing out. This guy comes and tells me I can't do that, because I'll be more likely to hit another car, so I have to park 'normally.' I go inside, and it turns into a classroom because I'm going back to school. Katherine is in my class. Our first assignment (it's an English class) is to look at these paragraphs and underline every place it says the word 'pizza'. A lot of the sentences have grammatical errors and so we have to fix them by crossing certain things out (we can't write anything in, though). I'm shopping with Rose and her mom. I have $20 so I'm getting a gift for Dana (a set of bath and body type stuff) and a couple of soaps for myself. There is this peach soap that I can't decide if I want to get or not. I also get a People magazine and Rose gets one of the tabloids. When we're leaving and putting our shopping carts back, we run into Debra. She has these really dark circles under her eyes and looks exhausted. She says "Hey, it's you two." We all go out to the parking lot. There are some guys working on a red VW Bug so Debra goes to watch them. Mark is in the parking lot and he holds out his arms to hug me. I'm nervous at first, because to me he looks younger than he should be and so I'm kind of freaked out. I drive home, but it's in this really nice car (a BMW?). It can be driven from both the driver and the passenger seat, and so I decide to drive from the passenger seat. Mark comes over to my house and sits at the table with me while I do some homework (English and some Italian, which I can't pronounce because the teacher never says any of the words). My mom and dad are having a discussion that the day we moved into the house was someone's birthday, but they're not sure whose; either my sister's, one of our Pittsburg neighbors or her daughter.
january 24
I see this ad for a bartender looking for clients (or maybe I put an ad that I was looking for one) so I end up meeting with this girl at my house. She's about my age and she's talking about how she lives in a crack house and just wants to get out of there. My parents show up so I introduce them. The girl makes me two really good drinks: the first one is lime and the second is cherry. I ask my parents if she can please move in with us, "It will be so convenient." They don't really say yes but I know they're considering it pretty seriously. I'm wondering about where she's going to stay, and we talk about moving into an apartment with another bedroom for her. We decide that's dumb since we barely moved into our house, and so it ends up that we set her up in an apartment by herself. Rose and Maria are visiting me, and Maria is looking through something in the big closet downstairs. Her cell phone rings and it's Mark. She says that he should come visit, but when he asks her for directions, she says she doesn't know and gives me the phone so I try to explain to him.
january 25
Adam comes over to talk to my mom and dad. He has a mustache and a goatee. Rose and I are in the front yard, playing with the waterhose. I'm wearing my 'I <3 nerds' shirt and it gets all wet, and so when Adam comes out I try to flirt with him and see if he says anything. He doesn't, just talks about himself, kind of bragging. I think it's funny but I'm also annoyed. I go on BART to either San Francisco or Oakland by myself. At first I'm pretty sure it's Oakland. There aren't a lot of people around and they're mostly guys so I'm kind of nervous but trying to look tough. Of course most of the guys are okay but this one comes along and starts bothering me. I'm getting scared but then these two guys come along to help me. They're carrying this huge (closed) umbrella, and when they see a guy bothering a girl they kind of nudge the guy in the back with the umbrella to get them to leave her alone. I keep walking and I end up in Chinatown. There was just a wedding, and the bride is up on a balcony throwing down flowers to the crowd. The flowers are really gorgeous, with this huge red-purplish petals. I seem to catch all of them, but hand them out to other people. This girl in the crowd convinces me to take one, and also these other smaller flowers that are the same color. It's time to go back home, so I head off to BART. I'm in Oakland again and there are all these scary guys running around. One of them yells, "I'm going to steal your holographic watch!" and I'm pretty sure he's not talking to me but I take off running anyway. In the station, instead of trains, you have to slide through these weird tunnels yourself. When I get to one that I need to go through to get home, this door slams down. It keeps opening and closing, closing only when I try to get through. I'm getting angry when this girl comes along and shows me this open space in the side. I get through there and follow her up a stairway that says 'Pittsburg/Antioch.' We're living in Pittsburg again and I'm using the computer. I turn on AIM and I see Maria is on, so I'm about to send her a message when the power starts blinking off and on. I go into the backyard, and there are my parents, my grandparents, another old couple, and Rose. They are filling up this weird, hollowed out spot in the grass (which is all dry) with water. My mom is taking off her ring but she doesn't want to give it to me or my grandma to hold for her. I end up with everyone's rings anyhow and I'm wearing several of them on each finger. When they finish, I give them back. One of the rings my mom has looks a lot like mine with the dark red stone. Finally I decide which is which, and give her back hers. I'm telling my mom and Rose about the BART dream I had, and my mom says "That's why I'm always nervous when you go somewhere." I agree with her that Oakland and San Francisco are more dangerous, but that it's usually okay to go to Berkeley because there are always so many people around. My mom and I are about to drive Rose home, but the Jeep is parked on the grass in the front (also dry, like in the backyard) and it's sinking into the ground. The car almost tips over when we sit in it. Rose tells me that she thinks Adam looks like this guy we used to go to school with, but I don't really agree. I'm with Maria and it's the morning. We're at school (it is a combination of Pitt and my elementary school) and waiting for it to be time to go in. She points out this guy in the crowd, with blue eyes and a blue shirt. She says that she'd thought he was nice, but he ended up being a rapist. Everyone starts to go in, and as we near the entrance this guy starts making fun of me, exaggerating the way I walk, and says "This is the way I walk!" I say sarcastically, "Looks sexy." He gives me this weird look and goes along. Maria and I go to the cafeteria to get breakfast. We sit at this tiny table with a elementary-school age girl. There is this weird box that you press buttons on to order food (it's McDonald's). I decide to get something called the 'Oregon Swoop', which is a sandwich with chicken and cheese, and french fries. It costs $1.11 and I have a lot of quarters so I dig out some to pay with. Maria and the girl give me their money to get their orders as well. I go up and nobody behind the counter seems very competent. This guy with longish hair and glasses keeps talking about Richard Nixon while he messes up the serving tray, spilling ketchup and chili all over it. I finally yell at him and tell him to do it right, because it's after 8:30 and I just know that I'm late for class.
dreams menu