February 2005
february 6
I work in a hotel as a maid. I'm cleaning a room and it belongs to Patrick Bateman (the American Psycho). He comes back in while I'm cleaning and starts chasing me around with a knife. I slip in through this one door with a small opening in it (like a mail slot) and manage to take the knife away, but he is still after me. I hide in the very back room, crying and freaking out. These two policemen come in and get me out of there and all. It's later and Bateman is after me again, and this time I finally decide I'm just going to get it over with and let him stab me so he doesn't do anything worse. I curl up on this bed waiting, trying to lie down so he has to stab me in the back and not anywhere else. I'm at home reading my e-mail and I have one from Rose. In the first paragraph she tells me about this puppy she's just adopted and all this. At the very end there's a "PS" and in it she says that someone stole the dog, took it out to the desert, beat it and killed it. I'm hanging out at Dana's house with her and a girl who changes back and forth between Lucy and Anne. We're getting ready to go somewhere and go out to the porch. Dana asks me if I know what kind of grass is in her yard, and I say no, but I know that she's had it for years. She says it comes from frogs. She picks up a huge blob of grass and peels some of it off, and it is a frog, after all. The frog gets really huge, the size of a person and with a person's head, but it's still a frog, and it's lying on the porch peeing everywhere, spraying all of us until we manage to run down to the sidewalk. We're walking down the street and the frog is still peeing. We're walking around, going to different stores, and on the way we pass by the San Francisco mayors office, and Gavin Newsom is up on the balcony talking to someone. I say something to Dana about how I think he's cute and she laughs at me.
february 15
I'm somewhere at this large meeting. My grandma, mom and sister are there too. There's this freaky guy there wearing one of those yellow raincoats and I know he's about to do something so I push my sister under this table and then crawl in there myself and shield her. Sure enough the guy pulls out this gun and starts shooting. I don't know if anyone gets hurt, but no one in my family does. It's later and this psychiatrist has come to talk to everybody and see how they're doing. When it's my turn, I follow her into this room with two computers. She sits at one and I'm at the other. They're the really old kind with the monochrome screens. Before talking about anything else, she shows me how to get to a place on the computer where I can write my own programs. It's much later on again, and I guess I've written something about what's happened, and I get chosen to read it on this TV program that's going to be done. I'm with all of the other people who are going to be on the show in this studio that looks like an oversized house. No one can go outside because something bad will happen to them. I try once and I get chased by this dog. For the TV show, I put on a dark blue dress and also wear a big matching headband. For the show to start we all have to get into a certain room at the same time, but somehow I get locked out, and I'm left in the house all alone. I go out to the porch and look around the street, and I know I'm the only one left. There are signs up that say "Voting is easier." I think about talking a walk but I see another little dog on the street waiting.
february 24
I'm with my mom, my grandparents, and one of their friends at this diner. We're getting ready to leave, and my mom goes to use the bathroom and asks me to get us each a cup of coffee to go. I get two styrofoam cups, fill them up with hot water, then coffee (decaf for her), and then cream and sugar. My grandpa takes the one for my mom and drinks it, so I make another. My grandparents, their friend and I are walking outside somewhere, and the friend is telling a really boring story when she stops and says she's going to go back and wait for my mom. I say I'll go, too. We're at home and my mom is cleaning out her closet and brings down a bunch of these old toys my siblings and I used to play with. I help her go through them, and replace the batteries in some of them. I'm taking this art class with Dana and a bunch of other people. My old french teacher is the art teacher, and she's looking at the first projects we did - taking old posters and then pasting them onto bigger sheets. She's looking at the two biggest ones I did, and when she turns it around to look at the back, the corners of it are peeling. Dana gets mad because we get graded as a group, and I say, "Well, I can't go back and do it again, can I? It's not my fault." We get started on a new project. The teacher gives us each a little plastic bin of beads and some elastic string. We have to make a bracelet and then use the bracelets to recreate one of the paintings that are all around the room. There's a cute one of a palm tree on an island, one of a girl's face, and the one I like is of the moon and a bunch of stars. We have to decide as a group which picture to recreate, and Dana doesn't want to do the moon and stars. I'm at home and it's four in the afternoon. A cousin calls and says that she has a doctor's appointment at five, and there's absolutely no one else who can babysit her kids. I finally give in and say that I'll go, that if I leave right then I'll be able to make it on time for her to leave. But by the time I get ready - get on my shoes, watch, and get my purse - it's already 4:30. Mark shows up just as I'm searching around for my cell phone, and I say he has bad timing. He finds my cell phone and makes a call to someone called the "Prank Doctor" (?) who will call me at an inconvenient time and play a trick on me. I tell Mark I don't have time for that, that my cousin's house is far away and I have to be there in just half an hour. We get into an argument about how far is really far away. I finally get to their house, and the first thing I do is go into the living room and take off my shoes. Only her oldest child is there and I realize that she must have taken the baby with her, which I think is good because I've never watched a baby alone before.
february 27
I'm walking around my old high school by myself, around these deserted hallways that lead out to nowhere. There's one up ahead that I'm too scared to even run through, so I go out through a side door and run into Katherine. We get into a conversation with someone else about whether or not there are ghosts and the school. They don't believe us so finally I say, "Come over to my house Saturday for a Ouija board party, and we'll prove it." There's a group of about thirty kids around, and they all cheer, assuming that they're invited also. I know it's too late to get out of it, so I go about trying to plan it. The day before the party, my family is also having a party. They've cooked a whole big, and there are some potato chips that I think I can use the leftovers of at my party. I'm trying to decide whether I should get a platter from Chili's or if I should just buy some frozen appetizers and cook them. I'm at home and my parents aren't there. There's this kidnapper/burglar there who is going through all our stuff to find any money. He finds this secret, black dresser in my mom's closet and makes me help him go through all the drawers in there. There's nothing but her checkbook, a calendar, and old family pictures and videos. I try to put everything back in exactly how we found it. He tells me that he wants me to eat because I'm getting too upset, but I tell him I'll just have some orange juice when I'm done cleaning up. My sister is going to be home soon and I tell him I'll do whatever he wants as long as he doesn't hurt her, and he says okay. Everyone gets home and we're trying to act normal. My parents blocked his car out on the street, and the police are going to be coming in. He figures out what's going on, takes out a gun and says that he hopes he doesn't have to use it. I lay on the floor, covering up my face and ears because I don't want to hear what goes on. There's a struggle and he ends up getting shot, and his blood splashes all over my hands. I can't stop crying and freaking out. It's later or the next day, and I have some letters to take out to the mailbox down the street, but I can't make myself go past the end of our fence, especially when I see a car across the street coming out of its driveway. I draw this picture of how I felt when it happens. The picture is of this little figure standing in this huge background of trees and hills and weird animals. My picture is so good that they decide to turn it into a video game somehow, and they have this big competition of players to see which one of them will "star" in it. My sister plays in the competition but there's something wrong with her controller, and she gets upset. The guy who is financing the whole thing says something rude to her, and I call him an asshole. He gets upset and I try to calm him down, asking him what I can do to show him I'm serious about wanting to get the video game out. I'm shopping with Dana and Maria at some store, looking through CD's and DVD's. I'm rolling around on this red chair. We're near the line and Dana whispers to me that I should move or I'll get in trouble, so I move around towards the jewelry section. I get off the chair and give it to someone else, then go to the bathroom. Dana is there talking to some guy, who she says does some of the cheapest eBay auctions she's ever seen. He talks about one time when he sold a whole bunch of drugs for just ten cents.
dreams menu