Tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none

There's a "Law and Order" marathon on TNT right now, which is like the only thing currently not plotting against me.

Just awhile ago I went to the gas station to fill up, and I had more issues than usual. The first pump I went to only let me get half a gallon of gas and then refused to do more, so I moved to another pump. I was surprised it let me use my card again (I had a simliar issue a few weeks ago... and yet I always go to that same station!), but it did... only this pump ALSO kept stopping every few dollars, or gallons, etc. It was so irrating that at $26 dollars (about 3/4 of my tank) I gave up.

Being that some bird decided to use my windshield as its toilet, I decided to go through the car wash. Bird, you owe me six bucks. That went okay, except for the irritating guy in line behind me who kept revving his engine. Uh, dude, I can't go until the person already in there is done, duh!

What else hates me? Oh yeah, last night I went on the LMC site to look through the catalogue, as I am still not really sure what I'm going to take in the fall, and started to put a list together. It was working slow in any case and then randomly decided to not let me get to the catalogue anymore. You suck!

Other than these things, and my dogs barking, stuff is good. We're going to have ribs later... yum. I made scones for breakfast, but the orange marmalade isn't as good as I thought, not very sweet at all.

I had some weird dreams last night that I can't really remember... one where I was making my dad coffee, which is really weird, as I never make coffee except for maybe at work a few times. And a night or two ago I had this kinda gross dream. We were living in the old house, and my mom and I were going to go somewhere. We went out onto the porch and there was this boy there (12, 13-ish) who was holding a frog he'd found in the bushes. When he saw us, he suddenly throws the frog straight down onto the porch, and all this green goo splattered everywhere... ugh.

My boss (one of em) is going on vacation in a couple weeks... I wonder if that will mean less hours for me. Probably. Though I like money, I won't mind that much.

Get away, run away, far away

I have "I Could Be Happy" by Altered Images stuck in my head. Yay? Not boo, anyway.

My site was down for awhile earlier. Note to web hosting service: Stop doing that!

Last weekend, my mom and I went to various yard sales and to a couple of other places... Linens and Things, to get new accessories for my bathroom. I don't know if I blogged this (damn me not keeping track), but I got this awesome pink, sparkly shower curtain from Burlingtons. So of course I had to go get some matching stuff - just a trash can, soap holder and toothbrush holder. Pink stuff rules. I didn't find much at yard sales, except for this like-new Bath and Bodyworks purse and... hey, maybe that was it. Oh, this cute little wooden girl with weird hair (so me in wooden form), holding a sign that says "Housework makes you ugly." (Waits for someone to make the obligatory joke, "You've already done quite a bit then, haven't you?")

We also stopped by Michael's... I love that place even though I'm really not great with crafts and things. I got this really neat card-making kit that I've used already, when I made my dad's b-day card. I thought it was cute, hee. They had a few different ones, and I want them all! But I probably wouldn't even have gotten the one if I had first spotted the paper-making kits and things they had. Next time, I swear. It sucks that my eyes are HELLA bigger than my wallet.

My dad's b-day was pretty neat. I got off of work fairly early, two o'clock, so I picked up my grandma and cousin and brought them back to good old B-wood. For the cake my mom made rum cake (bleh), these neat mango bars, and these cupcakes that SO ruled, they were chocolate and had banana pudding inside.

I am vaguely ashamed to admit that I watched the CBS Amber Frey movie, with Terry Kinney. I wish I was a cop who got to ridicule stupid women. It's not as if I consider her this terrible slut villain, but she's just not a genius. "How come I don't have your home phone number? And I've never been to your house? And you haven't introduced me to any of your friends?" Etc etc. Get a clue, homegirl.

Speaking of people from "Oz" (and when don't I), I finally watched my tape of the "CSI: Miami" with Dean Winters. Cute, cute, cute. The show itself was not so great, though. You'd think they could make a storyline involving dirty bombs more interesting. And I don't care how many times he dramatically takes off his sunglasses, David Caruso's Horatio Caine (and what's up with that name, anyway) will NEVER measure up to William Petersen's Gil Grissom (or Grizzom, as my brother always calls him for some reason).

Having so far failed to sleep in yesterday or today, at least I have a third shot at it tomorrow. Yay for three day weekends. Friday was pretty awesome as we closed up the office early, at noon. One of my officemates brought in his girlfriend, who so rules. She brought in this fantastic blueberry thing from Starbucks... yum. And then I had lunch at Nation's, drool. Luckily I got in just before the huge rush.

Yesterday morning I went shopping, and this time got to Lane Bryant's when it was actually open. Now I remember why I don't really shop there; their clothes pretty much suck, as do their salespeople (of course excepting my dear CC, who I haven't seen since like last summer I think).

I also went by Cost Plus World Market. Love that place so much! This time I actually found the elusive Treacle and Spotted Dick, but didn't buy either. Wah. They also had these neat looking drink things... you know, the pre-mixed stuff you add vodka to for apple martinis, cosmopolitans, etc. I didn't get any of those either. I suck! I did buy some scone mix, orange marmalade, and orzo. I think rice-shaped pasta is just the coolest thing ever.

Other than that I didn't do very much yesterday. Some laundry, and fixed up my Excel checkbook, and watched the "Daria" movies... word. Both "Cops" were reruns (why are people who go to Mardi Gras idiots?) but I kept it on in the background anyway as I typed up all the "Good Girls" stuff I've written by hand since my computer died. I'm at about 86,000 words and now I think I really will hit 100... eventually. Maybe I'll even finish the damn thing, too. No, I must! And July 31 is not as far away as it sounds...

I don't like people when they're not polite

I have stuff to blog about, but The N is showing the two Daria "movies", "Is it Fall Yet?" and "Is it College Yet?"

I just wanted to do a quick post to say my new theme is up, as well as the new "Lists" section. If you're having any problems viewing the site (graphics, etc) hit "refresh" and everything should be cool, but you know my tendency to overlook things.

Shining like a new star

The weather has finally turned and and gotten hot here. Boo. And by hot I mean like 80-ish degrees... you'd think that living in California, I would eventually get used to it, but it's annoying every year. Oh well.

I would be asleep already, or trying to get there, but I have to do some laundry tonight and I'm (im)patiently waiting for my turn. Why is it everyone has to wash stuff at the same time? D'oh.

Monday night, went out with LS and JH to Olive Garden, and it was mucho funno. I so want to see the Thunder from Down Under, or whatever those naked Australian guys are called, ha.

I'm so glad this is going to be a three-day weekend! Yay for waking up without an alarm (albeit still early), and for time to be a bum. It'll give me time to do such monumentally important things as install Office 2000, and upload my new theme to the site. Though, now I'm questioning my new lists section.

Though I don't hate my job at all, I'll be glad to have another day away from it. Right now I'm working on this project where I glue 400 pens onto 400 pieces of paper (no, REALLY). Because we ran out of the certain paper we're using for it (regular cover stock or whatever), and the new stuff doesn't come from Staples till tomorrow (they just love me there, I order like every day), I only got like 150 printed out. I could have put in extra time today and gotten them all done, but I was done, myself. At least tomorrow is going to be a half-day, score.

Another computer thing I'll do this weekend is get my Excel checkbook back up and going. Right now all my stuff from basically since I started working is scribbed on this progressively deteriorating piece of lined paper.

For some reason, HBO is moving "Six Feet Under" to Monday nights. No! It's supposed to be Sunday night HBO, dammit! It's the last hurrah of the weekend before dumbass Monday comes along. Who knows, maybe they're trying to make Monday good, as opposed to simply annoying me. Not as if I have any other pressing arrangement on that particular night; I just like things to be in their place and then not move.

Oh, and "Deadwood" is over now. So is Mr. W. Good riddance! But regardless of his evil, it still makes me laugh at how he reacted at being interrogated by Calamity Jane.

Jane, angry and perpetually drunk: "Are you the cocksucker?"
Mr. W, bleeding and evil: "I may very well be." He presents her with his card and tells her where he'll be if she wants to confront him later on.
Jane, considering: "Well, you ain't lied yet."

When I wake up, I think of you

I am using my sister's old computer, and it seems to be working fine with my hard drive and blah-blah inside. My dad thinks the problem with "my" computer is something on the motherboard, as do I. Boo to that. This one is actually pretty good, but needs more RAM. Though we're having an interesting issue with Windows XP, which is that it has my hard disk listed as "E:" and my removable Zip drive listed as "C:". Umm, that's not good, but so far it works.

When did I blog last? Oh well.

Work is OK. I feel very proud, I have my own phone extension now, and the desk thing is pretty much worked out so now it is all mine. I'm trying to think of stuff to take and put on it so it really feels like mine. I did buy one thing today, this cute folding photo frame I can put pictures of the puppies in. Aw.

I was naughty and did a lot of shopping this week. My boss was out on Thursday and I didn't have much to do, so I left at noon and went to Mervyn's. I got two cute shirts, something for EC, and this hogmongous messenger bag for myself. It's totally cute... I agonized over it for awhile until I convinced myself that I should buy it in case I ever need to go somewhere and take my writing, in its various binders and folders, with me. They had lots of cute stuff, like the purses shaped like Chinese takeout boxes with pretty fabrics. Note to self: Become filthy rich.

I also went by good old BevMo... tee hee. I got some yum potato chips, some sodas, and a few mini Bacardi's (raspberry, vanilla, and... damn... what's the other... Oh, yes, coconut) for the rare occasions I make drinks.

I am so pissed off at myself... since the "CSI" season finale was two hours on Thursday, I watched that with my parents and had "The OC" taping at the same time, or THOUGHT I did. When I played the tape, all I get is an episode of "Oz" that aired a couple of weeks ago. GRR. All that aside... the "CSI" was good, if a little too obviously Tarantino. I still don't get why they decided to have Hodges' first name be David when there's already another Dave. Well, whatever, he's still awesome (Hodges, not the first Dave, which isn't to say he's not awesome... hell, I'll stop before I confuse myself... too late).

One good thing, I saw the preview for the "CSI: Miami" season finale and DEAN WINTERS is going to be on it. Rules to be me! Ha ha, and CBS has an Amber Frey movie with Terry Kinney in it. Terry Kinney with hair, even. How silly.

I so got off the subject... which was that I did more shopping today. I'm pathetic and woke up at like 5:30 (UGH) and was consequently ready way too early. I went to Lane Bryant's about 8:45 and it wasn't open until ten. Too impatient to wait, I went over to Best Buy. Arrived like 9:15... not open until ten. Already eager to punch people in the face, I went to the mall, with the intention of buying out Bath & Bodyworks. DIDN'T OPEN UNTIL TEN.

Got some very nice things when it opened, though. A pina colada lotion, some creme brulée lip gloss (so shimmery and yummy), this antibacterial banana stuff I love that is actually part of their kids line. Yeah, whatever. After that I really did go to Best Buy, and got my dad's b-day present, and... (drum roll), season one of "Degrassi Junior High." Not "Degrassi TNG", but the 80's one, with terrible fashion and hair but a really awesome new-wave theme song. Word. I've watched the first four episodes so far, and they don't have nearly enough Archie "Snake" Simpson (Stefan Brogren) to suit me.

I believe I'm going to make a quiche for dinner right now... as a side dish, that is, not the main meal because it's just going to have loads of cheese and possibly some onion.

I've been having all these really important, significant dreams lately but as soon as I wake up and my brain starts functioning, I forget them.

Earlier I was thinking about a foolish crush I had when I was sixteen, and for some reason quite incorrectly thought, "That was ten years ago." Then my rudimentary math skills kicked in and I remembered I'm 22, not 26. Ugh, 26? Note to self: acquire birth certificate stating otherwise, when the time comes. Ha.

In any case - foolish crush only six years ago. Sometimes it seems so much longer ago, and sometimes it feels just like yesterday, and I really don't know which I prefer. But when I think about it now, even though I was happy liking him, I am relieved that I stopped feeling that way (feeling the crush, not feeling happy in general). Also grateful that I didn't do something really, really stupid. Now I'm just wondering what exactly what it was I was looking for, and trying to figure out if I'm still operating that way.

I get really sad sometimes, thinking about all the people I've liked and all the people who have not liked me. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to - I'm old enough to know there are worse things than being alone - but it would be nice to have someone.

On the plus side, my biological clock is definitely not ticking. Stay away, babies!

Usually they fall down now

"Speed" is on F/X... if you can't enjoy this movie on some primal, "Hey-neat-stuff-blows-up" level, you take yourself way too seriously.

I was annoyed last night... "The 4400" was supposed to be on and wasn't. I love "Law & Order SVU" and all, but how many hours of it can you watch in one night?

It's only ten and I'm hungry... the leftover Hawaiian pizza in the fridge is calling me. I don't usually like Hawaiian, but the kind from Papa John's is pretty good, better than their regular pepperoni which was kinda blah.

I still haven't found a use for my new ugly notebook. I hate buying stuff and not using it. And a notebook isn't exactly something you could give to Goodwill... okay, you could, but it would be weird. And hey, I'm a writer for chrissakes, if I can't find something to scribble in it, I might as well hang up my jock (if I had one, that is).

I went out to fill my gas tank earlier and luckily my card worked. These past couple of weeks I've had issues using my debit card as a Mastercard even though it has the logo and it's worked perfectly before this. Once at Longs it gave me "Not approved" error so I had to use it as a regular debit, and then had an issue using it to top up my cell phone (got it to work the second time). The dealbreaker was really this last week, when my regular monthly charge for my site didn't go through and they're all "Hey, blah blah blah, possible interruption of service." But then I also received the regular e-mail indicating payment had been received so I'm all, "Duh, e-mail me back if you guys have that." Just to be sure I re-entered the card info, just to see if that would fix it and it did because I got the payment through for sure on Friday morning, and now have the e-statement to prove it.

I know I really need to call the bank about this, and I did Friday morning, but the branch wasn't open yet and we had a meeting at lunch... and by the time I got home, also too late. Tomorrow, swear.

I only watched the first half of "Disturbing Behavior" last night. Not as much fun as I remembered, but I still like: "Self-mutilate this, fluid boy." DB is on the not-regrettably short list of movies/TV shows I've watched where someone gets their neck broken while - how can this be put delicately? - orally servicing a guy. The other on the list is of course "Oz"... Chris Keller is a naughty, naughty, pretty boy.

Absolut Larceny

I was going to spend the weekend making this site all pretty, but I hit a roadblock in that this computer's zip drive doesn't work, leaving me unable to access all my new graphics and HTML and such. Then I was just going to change the template to this cool green argyle one I found, but I so couldn't figure out how to work it, so I just gave up.

Work has been pretty good. I think I actually worked like 34-ish hours this week. And I filled out a W-4, yay taxes? Well not really, but my boss and I agreed it was better to pay them now then wait until later, when I won't have it, because I will have spent it. Word.

I spent some today, going to Fashion Bug and Target and Burlington. I found two good tops at Fashion Bug, but they didn't have very much I was interested in. They had a lot of orange-ish clothing; of course the color that looks the worst on me would be in right now. Whatever, I'm over it. At Target the clothes selection was just pathetic. I also wish they would keep the maternity clothes away from the womens section. You see something cute, and then you realize, "Hey, that's for pregnant ladies." Maternity stuff must have outnumbered womens stuff like 3 to 1... so I guess it's only okay to be fat if it's temporary. Blah.

They had the clothes at Burlington set up even more crowded than usual, and I was hot from walking around, and had to go to the bathroom but their was creepy, so I didn't bother to try anything on. I got this cute pink shimmery shower curtain and a couple of handtowels. They're both white, one with a purse and the other with a shoe in black and pink and polka-dotty. Yay pretties.

I haven't been cooking as much lately, which sucks. I know I made dinner sometime this week, or maybe last weekend? This morning I found this good-sounding recipe for a cheese bread in one of my mom's cookbooks this morning so maybe I'll make that tonight. Or maybe I'll wait until tomorrow, when it will supposedly cool down again. Is supposedly spelled right? Eh, I'm too lazy to look.

This computer keeps lagging when I type. Jeez, I'm not that fast. Okay, I am, but I hate it because it makes me nervous and I keep making typos.

I don't know what else to really talk about, I haven't been up to much. I must write this weekend, or stab myself in the face! Hee. I have decided I want to finish this first draft of "Good Girls" no later than July 31st, which gives me a little less than three months. Ag. But yes, I want to finish it so I can edit it August and September, and possibly October even though that's also the month I'll have to prepare myself for Nanowrimo 2005.

I don't know if I had mentioned this last time... probably but oh well, USA is re-airing the first season of "The 4400", which I wouldn't watch normally but there's a cute guy in it (hell if I can remember his name) and Lee Tergesen is supposed to be on it sometime. The psychic little girl is annoying, though, and not that cute. That's so mean; she's just a kid, but let's all be honest, not all children or even babies are cute. I was a cute kid, gorgeous in fact. What happened? Bad karma for thinking not all babies are cute, I guess.

Tonight, "Disturbing Behavior" is also on. Love that movie, even more so than "Cherry Falls", which is just great. Hee. Jay Mohr is dreamy.

Lacking anything (else?) interesting to blog, I'll note some of the observations I've made of differences between my current bosses and my last ones. And it may or may not be relevant, but all of the bosses at my last job (except one, and he was cool) were women, and all of my bosses at this one are men.

LAST BOSSES
- Told me to do things
- Never praised anything I did (with the exception of the time I made a poster for the field trip to see "Spiderman II")
- Called me "Yvonne", or the infuriating "Miss Yvonne" (it's Ms., dammit!)
- Had me carry heavy things back and forth
- Had me make her a peanut butter sandwich. I left pretty soon after this

CURRENT BOSSES
- Ask me to do things
- Praise me for every little thing I do, including stupidly simple stuff like filing... listen, it's not rocket science fellas, I just happen to know the alphabet.
- Call me "dear", "honey", "sweetie", etc
- Offer to carry heavy things for me
- Had me heat up water for his tea. I didn't mind that, but the minute he asks for a peanut butter sandwich, I'M OUTTA THERE!

I actually had a dream sometime recently that I left this job already. It would be so nice to just turn the alarm off and go back to sleep... anyway, it reminded me of this great book I read last month, called "The Torn Skirt" by Rebecca Godfrey. The main character (my brain fell out and I can't recall her name) says something like, "Every time things start going right I get this mad urge to fuck it all up." Amen, Ms. Godfrey.

When you spread it around, you get lots of smiles

My last post was delayed because my site was having that totally incorrect "Disk Full" error again, and so that was fixed again. It's kind of irritating, but I suppose I got what I paid for ($5.95 a month... actually I've been quite happy with my service in general).

I don't know what's up with Mondays that makes me an idiot, but today I was the biggest ditz ever. I get to work and the first thing I do is drop my waterbottle in the floor, making two little holes in it, so I had to pour it all into two styrofoam cups. I hate styrofoam. I proceeded to have stupid issues all day, such as repeately catching my fingers in the desk drawers, spill water on myself, and bang my watch into a doorknob. Argh.

Damn, it was hard waking up and going to work today. I didn't really feel as if I got any rest all weekend, though I did. Saturday I went to Cost Plus World Market... so awesome. I went there with an intended budget of $40 and only spent like $15. I got a bar of vanilla/cocoa butter soap, some truffles for my mom, garlic olive oil, and some coconut batter stuff for my dad. I was so mad - they didn't have the treacle or Spotted Dick! Or at least I didn't see it, though it looked as if stuff had been moved around. I did see some Turkish Delight, but didn't get any. I'm just scared to spend money on stuff and then hate it.

Which reminds me of another dorky/ditzy thing, last week; I got paid on Friday, $184, but I typed in $148 at the ATM. Duh. I called my bank and they said it would probably just take another couple of days to clear completely... way for me to be dumb. I realized it on Sunday night when I'm like, "Wait, I worked eight more hours than I did the week before, how did I only make twenty-eight more dollars?" I'm silly.

Yesterday was Mother's day, quite nice-ish. My mom was glad I got "The Corner" on DVD for her. I had found a really cute card, too, with a drawing of a chihuahua on it. Everyone came over one-ish... there wasn't as much turkey as my grandma thought there would be so she also bought some chicken from Raley's. My mom and I made a hogmongous crockpot full of scalloped potatoes.

I stopped by the store after work today and picked up stuff for my lunches for the rest of the week, and some notebook that was on clearance. Now that I'm actually looking at it (impulse shopping much?), it's quite ugly. It's a very utitlitarian, "guy" notebook. Plus the spires, or whatever they're called, are weird; there are none in the middle, just at the top of bottom. Oh well, I'll probably use it for work, anyway, instead of using (and losing) post-it notes. Can I help it if they're so damn handy?

I could write more, but I want to go do the dishes and write. Why is it I only seem to get work done when MS Word is inaccessible to me? I should really think seriously about that...

Whorship in the park

We got this little flier in the mail from some church today, and it actually said that. Whorship in the park. Like, whoreship in the park? You'd think at least one person who looked it over would've noticed. I think it's hilarious, and not just because I'm mean. Hee hee.

My computer is working right now, for some reason. My dad talked to one of his computer-ish friends, who suggested the problem might be the battery. Computers have a battery? They very well may, as my dad replaced the one in mine with one from another machine we have that sucks. And computer is working, so far.

I'm just wondering if that's the end of the problem, and I'm also questioning what harm might have been done while trying to fix it. I actually attempted to format the hard drive last weekend, but it froze once at 0% and once at 1%. Was anything lost and was it important? I suppose I'll find out as I go along, provided it keeps working...

I've been working, myself. It's going pretty well, same-old, same-old. Tomorrow another girl who works there needs my cubicle so I get to go into the other office, all alone. Hee. Today I did some billing stuff (mailing out checks) and I have a buttload of filing to do tomorrow. I was going to do it today but it was already 3:30, and I was just, "Ugh." Traffic-y badness.

My check was in the pile of those I processed today, and I was going to deposit it right after work to get a jump on it clearing and such, but the bank in P-town and in B-wood (hee) are both in traffic-y areas. Why can't other cars just stay out of my way?

I don't think I got to post since last week, have I? Wait, on Saturday, I think. I had mentioned my paycheck and blah blah; Anyway, I bought some lovely things this week. My usual Physician's Formula powder (yay for even skin tone? Close as I'll ever get anyway), the Jovan Pink Musk I originally saw at Walgreens, um... what else? I got my eyebrows done yesterday and had lunch at Nation's... mmm. I wouldn't have, but it was my self-reward for going to the dentist.

Sunday is Mother's Day... finally I can give my ma the gift that's been in my closet for super-hecka-much days.

Saturday, I shall give this site the updating it so sorely needs, as much as I sorely need a chocolate bar right now. Yum.

You'd think that such a day would tremble to begin

I have five minutes before "Hannibal" starts on USA, and I wouldn't watch it except for the weird symmetry that I'm re-reading the book right now.

My computer is worser by the moment, so I'm going to have to start from scratch all over again. Putting up my new May theme and all will have to wait awhile, as if anyone cares.

Work? It's work. I finally got paid on Friday, and I only got paid for the first week I worked, which was like fifteen hours. I filled up my gas tank yesterday and it cost $50, almost half of my check. That's gotta hurt, and it did. Boo.