I wanted you bad, regretful but true

This weird weather is irking the hell out of me. Last week was nice and had a couple of good, warm days. Then yesterday was all gray and rainy and windy and ugh.

I had a lot of running around to do yesterday, too. I got the results of my TB test (yay for not having TB?) and went to get fingerprinted. There was some kind of issue regarding not being able to do both Department of Justice and FBI fingerprints so I might have to go back another time to do them again. That's cool with me, as the company will refund me for them, hee hee hee.

The session itself went all right yesterday. Somehow I ended up prepping not only the lesson we were supposed to do, but another one from a book we actually haven't started yet. My bad. It was all math stuff though so I guess it was okay.

It was dumb and funny. Before we got started I asked the kids if any of them had done anything fun over the weekend they wanted to talk about. This one boy raised his hand all excited and said, "I did, I did!" Then he got very serious and said, "I farted." Boys are weird.

Today I'm subbing for a class the other tutor I work with has on Tuesdays and Fridays. It's four kids, all fourth-grade, and they are supposed to be very mellow and well-behaved. That will be a nice change from my usual rowdy group. When I'm done here I've got to prepare the lesson plan... and look up where the school is. It's supposed to be pretty close to my regular one though so I'm not worried.

Creative Writing last night was awesome. We were supposed to have turned in our short stories by Friday so he'd have time to print them out but I didn't get mine in till Sunday... oops. But, he got it in time to print anyway. It was so long I didn't know if I'd get the chance to read it (we read through several people's stories) because it was pretty long, 11 pages, but I did. For those of you who will ever attempt reading a 6,000-word story all at once, take my advice and have a bottle of water handy. I'd finished mine way before and got my throat all "Ugh."

I want to put the story up on the site (and would you believe it actually has a title, "Accomplices"*) but I don't know if I'll do it before I edit or after. Everyone seemed to like my story and had some great thoughts for things to add or change or think about. My teacher also noted that I'm something of a "grammar rock star." I should make that into a t-shirt...

*This story already has two follow-up stories in my head. The second one may just be added on into the first because it happens fairly soon after. The other doesn't occur for hella years.

It is nice to have a project to be excited about working on. I can remember when I felt this way about "Good Girls"...

Well I'm off to do my lesson plan... educate the youth of tomorrow and all that blah blah.

I'm in love with your sense of courage

Right now I'm watching an episode of "Law & Order SVU" that has the badass black lady from "The Shield." Also, an actor who was this hot guy on "Oz" for like three episodes before he succumbed (sp?) to the lethal charms of Christopher Meloni... who, now that I think about it, hasn't been on this episode of SVU at all. I demand a refund!

My parents are at my grandparents house right now watching pay-per-view boxing... silly.

It's funny, yesterday I wrote a note to LS that mentioned something about me having jalepeno poppers for dinner... and today I did. Well, a few poppers, and a piece of zucchini quiche.

Yesterday in my pharmacies-suck rant I forgot to mention this girl I saw. Around my age, maybe a few years older. She was wearing this green top that had a super scooped-out back, but she was wearing a regular bra (black) so it looked kind of odd. Also, she kept dropping her keys, and whenever she bent over to pick them up her boobs almost fell out of her top. I know this is probably a weird thing for me to notice, and even weirder for me to blog about, but there you go.

Another random weird person from yesterday: Some dude who worked at Regal and took my ticket when I went in. He didn't smile at all, just took my ticket and said "Theater 13, all the way at the end on the left." I said, "Thanks" or whatever, went on, and when I was a few steps away he called out, "I mean, on the right." I turned around to say thanks again, and he was already turned away doing something else. Thanks for your concern, buddy. And when I was leaving after the movie, he was setting up his station right outside the hall (presumably to weed out movie hoppers), so I smiled at him and was going to say bye but he didn't smile back.

Did I mention I looked really cute at the time?

Then again, if I had to work in a movie theater one block down from a high school, and cleaning up sticky sodas and popcorns and all, I wouldn't be so friendly either. All the HS kids were getting there just as I was leaving, too. Now, seeing kids that age makes me feel old... which I don't care for much.

Yay, "Cops" is on! And it's new! And there's a cute cop! Well, cute enough, though I'm not sure about the haircut. I've been seeing cute cops everywhere lately... sometimes it rules to be me. I still miss this one cop I used to see almost every week while depositing my check on Fridays.

Last night I started watching the stupidest Lifetime movie. It's "Cyberseduction: His Secret Life" or something similar. It's about a high school boy who gets addicted to Internet porn. And while I realize porn addiction can be a serious thing, this movie was dumb. The mom was all "Oh my god! A teenage boy! Looking at naked girls!" Yeah, who'd figure that? She discovered this by walking by his room and seeing him on the computer, which was super dumb, because any one with half a brain would close the door. This kid was kind of a dud though, so...

Man, I was just starting to get comfy and sleepy last night when these two psychotic cats from next door started wailing. I don't know if they were fighting (I've seen them fight before) or mating or what the hell was going on, but it was the most ungodly sound I've ever heard. Two of them, in unison. Outside my window. Get it? They woke up Pepe which got him started, and they went on so long I finally went out to the front porch to yell at them... at which point they ran away. Grr.

So, I've been thinking about doing Ash Wednesday, Lent and all that this year. Mostly I just want to go about town with ashes on my face, but I also figured it'd get me in good (or at least less bad) with you-know-who (and I could use some good points in that area, I assure you). But I can not figure out, for the life of me, what to give up for Lent. Some considerations:

- Alcohol. But I don't drink often as it is, and I want to have a St. Patrick's drink, dammit.
- Dr. Pepper and/or soda, caffeinated drinks in general. Um, not happening.
- Sweets. So not happening.
- Lip gloss - buying it, not wearing it.
- TV. Just as the new season of "The Sopranos" is starting? Not bloody likely.

But seriously, all my irreverent comments aside, I've had the feeling lately that I kind of need to pay attention to my immortal soul. I'm never going to be a weekly Mass goer, and we all know about my issues with the church, but I could stand to do something. There was a period last year when I was informally studying and vaguely considering converting to Judaism - a lot of it makes so much sense to me - but I soon enough realized I'd be just as bad of a Jew as I am of a Catholic.

I will always think of myself as a Catholic. To me it's unchangeable, like my being a brunette or a woman or a smartass. Not as if those things couldn't technically be changed, but you know what I mean - they're some of the core things that make me, me. And maybe it's time to admit I care about this instead of trying to make my beliefs into something logical, or that I can manipulate with whatever my socio-political thoughts are. Beliefs aren't the same thing as a religion or a church or a bible. To some people, yes, they're helpful tools that can enhance their faith.

What I need, is a tool.

Because my love for you would break my heart in two

Yesterday was a strangely busy day for me... though it is apparently something I will need to get used to, pronto.

I met with the chick from the tutoring company and another girl at Starbucks in the morning. We were there for probably an hour and a half going over stuff. So, I am going to be working for them at an elementary school in Antioch. It's only two hours, two days a week (unless I get called to sub for someone else).

After the meeting I had to wait around and pick up my bro from school so I went to Target, where I got mostly stuff from the dollar bins. They rule. And I went to Best Buy and got a Ladytron CD. They, also, rule.

Then I had to: go home, eat lunch and do random cleaning around the house before leaving for the school. It was kind of scary and I'm a bit unsure of the other tutor I'm working with, but I think I'll get the hang of it. We get the lesson plans and supplies and all from the company, and I have all the stuff in this huge-ass box in my room to prepare for Monday.

The kids were fun but hyper. The smallest girl there is so cute. She was telling me about her hip-hop dance class and showed me some break-dancing, after which we had this conversation:

Her: I'm a girl.
Me: Um... yeah, me too.
Her: No, I mean I'm a girl break-dancer. Cause break-dancers are boys.
Me: Maybe a lot of break-dancers are boys, but girls can do it too. Girls can do anything they want.
Her: Really? Cool!

I'll make a feminist of her yet.

So yeah, after getting back home from the school I had time to eat dinner and re-hygienize (that's a new word I think) before heading to improv. Whew. I'm glad I went though, it was lots of fun even if there were only five of us. I felt pretty okay at how I did except for... I forget the name of the game, but you have to do a scene where you can't use certain letters. I suck at that big time.

Today was slightly less crazy, but might as well have been because I had a huge headache for much of it (and it is coming back right now, ugh). I had to go to the pharmacy which took straight days (I was in line like half an hour), then had to go back to the other Kaiser to get my TB test for work. I had to wait another half-hour there for the five seconds it takes to poke at me. By the time I got back to good old B-wood it was too late to drop-in to get my fingerprints. Of course I could have done that first, but I'm an idiot.

I got home and ate lunch, and had some sweet, sweet Excedrin. And then took myself to the movies to see "Running Scared." From the previews I had no idea what it was about, but there was in article in the Times today about it. I already knew Paul Walker (who I am in love with) and Vera Farmiga (who I am in hetero-love with) star in it, so I was down. Oh, and that creepy kid from "Godsend" (no love comment here, pervs, he's like 10, ew). Oh, and Chazz Palminteri.

Short summary: Joe (Paul Walker) is a gangster, and he and his guys get into some major trouble. They give him their guns to get rid of, but instead he hides them in his basement. Unknown to him, his son and his son's friend Oleg (creepy kid) see him do it. Oleg takes the gun to use on his abusive step-father (bald Russian dude from "15 Minutes", which interestingly enough also starred Vera Farmiga), and now Joe has to figure out how to get the gun back so th police can't connect it to his earlier crime.

Short thoughts: The movie is very stylized, but a bit too flashy. Most of the characters are unlikeable until later on in the movie... if then. The story itself is actually interesting, if often sickening. There's a lot of violence and blood and some explosions, but it's not of the brainless type. If you can deal with 2349320483 people getting shot, I would probably recommend this for you.

I keep having these dreams involving this guy I know but don't really know, and it makes me feel stupid.

Something yay: My Avon stuff came today. The obligatory list:

- "Soft Pink" soap (I wish I could find that scent lotion)
- Lip exfoliator
- Tiny "Sweet Honesty" perfume dealy
- Shea butter face mask
- Pastel pink lip gloss
- Glazewear collection: One clear gloss, one rose, one sparkly raspberry
- Beyond color collection with: Divine wine lipstick, mascara and eyeshadow*.

*I've never been one for eye makeup. At least getting this stuff gave me an excuse to throw away the mascara I've had for probably five years, and haven't used in almost three. It's just a hassle, and I wear glasses anyway. Contact commercials make them look so tempting - and they have kinds good for astigmatism now - but every time I think of squishing something into my eye I get grossed out. I can't even use eyedrops.

You've all heard this before: "I need to go work on my writing now." If I'm good and get stuff done, maybe I will let myself watch the rerun of Wednesday's "Epitafios" at ten. One episode left!

If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first

I feel like a normal human today. Whee!

Be proud of me, I got through four of my five to-do's yesterday: clean my bathroom, vacuum bedroom, start my story and... dude, what was the other? Oh yes, job hunt. The other item, walking the dogs, was postponed due to uncomfortability while walking. Go figure.

But I got a fair amount accomplished on job hunting. I had a phone interview this morning regarding a part-time (and I do mean part time) tutoring dealy. I'm going to meet up with this lady and probably a few other people tomorrow morning to find out more, fill out forms and such. I know you're all thinking, "Yvonne? Work with kids?" Hey, weirder stuff has happened (maybe not this year but it's only February darlings). It would be only two afternoons a week, two hours each... but that leaves me open to other stuff, whether something new or more stuff back at my "old" job. I think J is coming back from Spain, like, tomorrow or something.

I may or may not have to go to an actual tutoring session tomorrow afternoon, I'm not sure. If so I'm going to miss the service for my relative (my dad's cousin, I have no idea what that made the two of us) that's at roughly the same time. I think I mentioned this in my MySpace blog but not here. She was in her mid-50's and her heart stopped (long drug history and general bad health, enough said?) and she was on life support for a couple days but died on her own. It's sad but I'd feel like a hypocrite if I said I was very upset about it, because I'm not (reason #407 I'm going to hell).

I slept all the way through the night last night! It felt so good. Even when I actually woke up.

Right now I'm craving this certain bread. It has cheese and jalapeno in the slices. It makes a genius out of any grilled sandwich you could imagine.

You know what I've been wanthing to do lately? Have a party. I don't think I've had a proper one all the time here at the "new" house. I've had people over but it's not quite the same. If only I could lock up my million (okay, four) family members and two psycho-dogs for straight hours, ha. Maybe if EC can get out here again for my b-day in October* I can set something up.

*I'm going to be 24! Ancient! (Just kidding, for all my friends who are 24 already.) And I know that October sounds like a long time away but it's already nearly the end of February. Where the hell has 2006 gone?

We've had two packages delivered to the house today and in neither case did anyone ring our bell, which I thought they generally did... not as if that's necessary since the puppies can hear things that happen two blocks over, but really though. There was a car alarm the night before last that went on for at least three minutes. It was that annoying one that goes through all the whoops and sirens and buzzing... ugh.

I better go work on my story more now, if I want an entire first draft done by Monday.

This is all true, I'll make it be

Today is... Tuesday? Yeah, Tuesday. I'm totally lost.

Sunday I don't think I did a damn thing except one load of laundry. I started watching "Sleeper Cell" which is pretty interesting, so far anyway.

OK, this is how I woke up yesterday morning: I'm sleeping and dreaming something about "Degrassi Junior High" when I hear this weird, loud like hiccuping sound in my bed and wake up. It's Pepe... throwing up. Wonderful. This was at 4:45 by the way. So I get up, put him outside and spray my sheets and mattress pad and shove them in the washer. While I'm doing that Pepe comes back in and goes upstairs. The linens are all upstairs and no way I'm going to attempt climbing up there in my still half-asleep state, so I go back to bed and lie on top of my bare mattress with one little blanket. I've just gotten comfy when I realize I forgot to put in the detergent (did I mention this was all at 4:45 in the morning?) so I had to run back and do that.

I'd thought about just getting up, and I did lie there for over an hour before falling asleep again. More weird dreams. I've had a hard time waking up for the past week, my eyes just refuse to open.

Yesterday I was mostly out of it in general. I had my clumsy PMS in the morning and my feeling-faint PMS in the evening. In between those times we went over to my grandparents house, had dinner, played cards and such. My uncle's girlfriend has the chocolate fountain, I'm so jealous.

I am going to be a good girl today and:

- Clean my bathroom
- Vacuum my bedroom
- Walk the dogs
- Job-hunt
- Start my story for Creative Writing

Well, we'll see later on how many of these I actually get done.

Oh, yesterday I saw the preview for the remake of "The Hills Have Eyes." I didn't like the original much but I'll still have to see this. Of course I still haven't gone to see the new "When a Stranger Calls" as I said I would. If I can't convince my mom to go I'll find someone else, and if I can't find someone else I'll go on my own, dadgummit. I used to love going to the movies by myself but haven't in a long time. The last thing I remember seeing alone is "Fahrenheit 9/11" but I think there must have been something else I'm forgetting.

Ohmygod I just swallowed an ice cube... that hurt hella bad! It wasn't a full-sized one but I thought I was going to choke, ugh. Melt damn you!

I made some cookies Sunday night that were so good... they were Tollhouse chocolate chip pan cookies, but I added some cinnamon and used some chocolate-caramel chips. Mmm. We finished them last night while watching "Wife Swap." It was a compilation of past shows and how the families are today and blah-blah... it was mostly dumb. My mom is always "We'd never get picked to go on that show, we're too boring." That's a good thing. All of those families are freaks, either too wild or too strict, too religious or too evil, or whatever. I could never be on any show dealing with people who annoyed me.

One they showed last night that I never saw an original of had this family who spanked their kids, and the youngest of them couldn't be any less than like ten years old. That's way too old to be whacking 'em, not as if you should in the first place. The mom was a real bitch, and the dad was just nuts. They had a pool party and he was freaking out because "The kids were just doing what they felt like!" They showed him going to this little girl (I don't know if it was one of his daughters) and explained that they wouldn't be swimming until after eating, because if they swam both before and after that would "be confusing." What's confusing about it?

Oh man, I forgot to tape Dr. Phil last night. The topic was, "Are you a bitch?" Where's the equivalent for men, Dr. Phil? Where's the "Are you an asshole?" or "Are you a prick?" show? They'll probably re-play it during the day sometime this week though. I find myself still watching his show sometimes even though he irks the hell out of me. I can't stand any talk show any more, actually... they're all just circle jerks where everyone cheers or boos at the same thing. The ones that used to drive me nuts are where the host would bring on kids who get picked on at school and the people in the audience are all, "Awww! How sad!" When you know most of them would've teased them if they had been classmates.

T-Bone just came in being needy, so I guess I'll give him a bellyrub before beginning my ambitious to-do list for today.

You'll do all this just to get high, I'll do all this to just get by

For some reason I have the TV turned to "Satan's School For Girls" on USA... I've only paid attention to about 30 seconds of it and it's already the stupidest movie ever created.

Thursday for dinner we had steak... and for breakfast this morning I had that in a quesadilla with pepper jack cheese. Mmm. I like when food is yum.

Improv Thursday was OK, but there were only a few people there. Me, two regulars, some other guy who knows K and is going to join, and two of his (girl) friends who were pretty annoying. I didn't do so great at games but it was still pretty fun. Somehow I did well on "Questions" which has always been the bane of my improv existence. We ended around 9:30 and my bro wasn't getting out of class for straight days so I went by and picked up some Krispy Kreme. The sugar doughnuts rule.

Yesterday I was a very bad girl and did some Avon shopping. Excuse 1: There was free shipping for President's Day. Excuse 2: Um... I didn't spend that much. Excuse 3: I bought something for my sister, too (Spongebob lip balm).

I was bored last night and actually went out in the evening (by myself). I prefer to shop or whatever in the daytime when there aren't as many people, but it was drizzly out which I guess has the same effect. I went to Mervyn's and got a Happy Bunny t-shirt (I'm so trendy) that says "You'd be cooler if you were me." It's pretty cute, black with like glittery pink splatter, and bunny-shaped skulls. Heh. And, this black with some pink, zip-up sweater thing. They had one that was entirely hot pink that was too much, even for me.

I'd also gone by Target but didn't buy anything there (gasp!), but did use the ATM. It's right next to the wedding registry machine and this middle-aged couple was there, printing out their friends list. The woman was blocking the ATM so I said "Excuse me," and she moved like one inch, until her husband is all "Honey..." and she finally moves enough and gives me a dirty look like I'm the one who's in the way. Yep, she's from Brentwood all right.

My last stop: Coldstone Creamery. Mmm. I haven't been there in so long, that the last time I was there they were still cash-only instead of having an ATM/credit card dealy (hence my ATM stop at Target). That'll show me to not go there for super years. I got a quart of cake batter ice cream to take home, and also a smoothie which was a dumb move. I can only have so much cold stuff at once and so I ended up dumping about half my smoothie because I just could not finish it. I would never dump cake batter ice cream. It was all I could do to not have that for breakfast this morning (yes I am in PMS mode now).

Reading "The Brentwood Press" yesterday I found out about this place nearby that has music and art shows and blah blah... and looking on their website I found out this band led by a guy I knew from LMC is going to be playing there in March. So, I may go check it out. I don't like their music much from the little bit of it I've heard, but the guy is just plain hot. And you know me and musicians (and actors, and writers, and... artists in general).

I had a long, complicated dream last night that I'll have to post in the dream section (der), but one quick part: PD was at my house*, I guess visiting. And he was telling me that I seemed so much different from what he remembered, and I was trying to convince him otherwise, that I might be somewhat different but I was still me.

*Now that I think about it, it might have been LS's house, because there was a piano there.

Anyway, when I woke up it just made me think for awhile about my friends and the general idea of friendship. It's taken me undoubtedly too long, but I'm starting to get that people and things change. I know I have changed, but because I'm still me I don't see it as "change." And that's made me feel confused about other people and why they're different than they used to be, and why my relationships with them aren't what they used to be either. Nothing lasts forever - not the good stuff, not the bad stuff. And I can't expect people or things to stay the way they were before, or are now. Sometimes, the only way to hold onto something is to let it go.

I went out into the night, I went out to pick a fight

I tried to blog earlier but could not get into it at all... now, I return.

Class on Monday was pretty good. We reviewed a few of our assignments as always and one of my scenes actually made it in. I was starting to get worried that mine sucked so bad they wouldn't be read (which I know is dumb because I get good points on the BlackBoard, but still.) My teach is awesome, he's leaving it open until Friday to finish any assignments we haven't done yet. I think I only have two... one that's an imitation of the opening for "The Great Gatsby" which I'll definitely do, and the other a crisis/conflict/resolution thing for a James Joyce story (ugh, ugh) that I will probably not do.

It's been fun writing some of these things, though; I'll have to put some up on the site this weekend.

Yesterday (Valentines Day) was great. In the evening I went over to MB's and she and DM and I had lots of great junk food and amusing stories. And oh god, we watched this video of M's promotion-to-high-school party... that I am in... when I had my ugly orange-blonde streaks, and pigtails. I was wearing my Zero shirt (when wasn't I then) and I kept either hiding my face from the camera or batting my eyelashes and sticking my tongue out like a dork. I knew there was a reason I hated video cameras.

It's funny, we were looking at those and our senior yearbook, and I really do look a lot different. I'm still completely recognizable as the same person, and I don't wear much makeup now, but I feel that I look so much better (I first typed "butter", ha). It was so sweet, I had stopped by my grandma's before going to M's house and she (my grandma) told me I looked "so pretty, and wearing makeup and everything." Aw.

Oh, and I got my new Bath and Body Works lip glosses yesterday. The pink buttercream tastes fantastic but doesn't have much color. Grapefruit tastes good and is nice and sparkly and bright. The red Goldie one I got - way too red. I put it on and looked... well, just not good. Ah well, five bucks. That's probably why there's a sale. There just aren't that many women who are willing to pay a lot for lipstick that makes them look like whores. And not even expensive ones.

The new Kohl's opened straight days ago and I still hadn't gotten around to going, so I saw a commercial yesterday for their President's Sale* starting today and thought, "Hey, I should finally go." And I did, and got some pretty good stuff. An argyle & not-really-jeans purse, that came with some bath and body stuff inside. It's Kiwi Melon which sounded off-putting but luckily smells fantastic (it was five bucks so that's why I bought it even with the possibility of it being bad-smelling. I was just after the argyle purse). Some Candie's brand socks: These soft-pink shimmeries, black lacy heart ones, and pink ankle-length with a cute ribbon around the top. A metallic gold Mudd wallet. And, for some reason, some overpriced lip gloss supposedly designed by... Serena Williams? Or Venus? No, Serena. It's a cute flippy container that looks like a giant pink gem (strawberry gloss). They had two others, orange gem (peach) and purple gem (something tropical sounding) but at $12 each I wasn't going to get all three on the chance they suck.

*Why is every holiday automatically a sale now? Wait, do they do St. Patrick's Day sales? If not then they should... I also think they should do Hanukkah sales, that would last eight days long. That would rule.

Tonight: "Epitafios." I'm excited that it's going to be on, scared of what's going to happen, and sad that there are only a few episodes left.

Right now, I'm going to search for a recipe for this fantastic cake M made last night** and then go hunt around for something dinner-ish. I thought I'd bought a good amount of stuff at Raley's on Monday but it's nearly all gone except for maybe one frozen meal, and an Odwalla's drink.

**Because we were all talking so much, she left out two ingredients, but it still came out good. When I find it, I'm definitely putting it up; you can under no circumstances go wrong with loads of chocolate, and Kahlua.

I am a lonely little hunter

Right now Depeche Mode "Master and Servant" is on Music Choice... this song is both annoying and really creepy. Ugh, but not as creepy as this movie I watched with my mom on Friday night, "The Entity." I'm not sure how, being somewhat of a horror movie buff, I missed this one growing up. It's a story about this woman who inexplicably starts being beaten and raped by a ghost (I know saying it like that sounds ridiculous but it was a really grim, serious movie). I was freaked out not just by the premise (as if that's not bad enough) but also by this weird pounding music that played whenever it happened. It made me paranoid to change and go to bed!

It's supposed to be based on a true story, which I can't imagine. Whether it's an entity/spirit or a psychological oddity, how does one stomach living through that over and over? She did have kids, so she had reason to stick around, but still... one of those things that make you wonder at the resilience of human beings.

Last scary movie bit: Yesterday I finally found out what this movie was, that I've been trying to find out forever. I saw it when I was quite young - still in elementary school - and the only part I could remember was a girl swimming in a pool, and the cover gets closed over her. And while reading through a site where people write in about movies they're trying to found out about, I discovered someone who'd also seen this, which is "The Legacy", or "The Legacy of Maggie Walsh." Late 70's, probably-bad movie, so there's a fair chance Hollywood Video might have it. I've got about a million coupons as a result of some class-action lawsuit I have no idea about, so maybe I'll stop by this week.

So I've been in kind of an odd place lately. I'm finding it hard to get interested in anything, and I'm apathetic towards things I generally like (cooking, holidays, craft-y things, and decorating cookies, which we did today). Now this is the part in the Zoloft commercial where some sad little cloud pops in with a sign pointed at me that reads "Classic signs of depression!" But other than being dispassionate about stuff, I'm in general feeling good. I've been more into being with and talking to people, I'm not having any anxiety about driving (which I often do, even on short easy trips), and I'm even somehow feeling confident about how I look. This is just the complex paradox that's me, I guess.

I am so avoiding doing homework right now. I'm not exactly sure why. The reason I got back into this class was to jumpstart my writing again. There's nothing too bad for this week's homework... though there is another James Joyce story (growl). There are two little writing parts that I know will be enjoyable when I finally buckle down.

There's some donation truck from Big Brothers/Big Sisters coming on Wednesday... and I should definitely go through all my stuff. I think I've finally figured out, and reached, the criteria that means you should move into your own place: You can no longer fit all your crap in one room. Every possible storage space I have is filled to capacity, and often over it. I have outgrown my living quarters. Even one more pair of socks, and my dresser may explode. Now if only I could maintain steady employment... (yes, this is when you laugh at the thought).

Tonight: homework! Because I know if I wait until tomorrow, I will wait too long. And god, it's only 6:45, and there is nothing on TV tonight.

Tomorrow: Bank (yay deposits! Even if it's little), probably fill up car (this self-service thing is a pain in the arse), grocery store (no food and no... food makes Yvonne angry hungry), and school. Here's to being a semi-responsible citizen!

It's like I'm sitting here waiting for birds to sing

Wow, it's been three days since I posted? Doesn't feel that long...

I didn't get up to too much this week. Tuesday I just rested, Wednesday I went out only to the bank and Walgreen's. I've been feeling better and better each day, but I still have the snifflies. Boo.

Last night, went to a pleasure party with DM and MB. It was pretty fun, and funny. The woman who demonstrated everything was a riot. I managed to not be too uptight or embarassed, though I am always somewhat taken aback by what strangers will share with others. But hey, we're women, that's what we do, talk and talk and talk (I don't mean that in a bad way, I think it's awesome. If guys don't talk like we do then they should).

Though, I learned a little bit too much about this one girl and her man, who is a former San Quentin inmate. Seriously. I saw a picture of this guy in her phone and I have no idea how this girl can still walk. Yeah, she's a real class act... not. She has to visit the porn shop every week or she gets bored, and she's actually married to some other guy in some kind of military scam (she didn't explain, and I don't really want to know).

Hanging out with DM and MB was so much fun, though. I haven't seen MB since... a couple years ago, when EC was out on a visit. We went by Lane Bryant to see C. and ran into the both of them. We didn't hang out at the time though because I was sick with what turned out to be strep throat. Ugh. But yeah, I need to hang out more with all of my friends. Note to self, stop being a loner.

I got home a bit after 12:30 last night, did the dishes, watched TV for awhile before going to sleep around 1:15ish... I woke up at 7:00 and feel kind of headache-y. Meh. Today I've got laundry to do, and season four of "The Sopranos" to catch up with. Earlier this week I was bored and tried to get it together to make some cards but just could not get my head around it. I haven't been early creative enough lately, in pretty much every area that I'd like to be. I need a vacation (you know, from the harsh world of being comfortably unemployed and buying lip gloss). Did I mention where my boss is going on his vacation? Spain. There's someone who's got it together.

We don't have the time for psychological romance

I have some kind of cold... which sucks. I can't remember if I've even had a cold yet this winter. Well, there you go.

My mom and I both had various errands yesterday so we went out together. The Antioch library was having a sale and I got hella books. Kurt Vonnegut, Christopher Pike, Stephen King, a couple Jonathan Kellerman's I haven't read... word.

Going to the post office to send my hard-earned (heh) money to the IRS was only vaguely annoying. There was this irritating girl behind me in line who kept doing this huge sigh everytime this guy at the counter said, "I also need..." (whatever else.) You don't go to the post office for efficiency and timefulness (is that even a fucking word? Timeliness? Ah, well.)

All I ate yesterday was leftover stuff from Sunday. Now I'm about the least-interested-in-football person you'll ever know, but this game was super boring. And there were only two or three good commercials.

I was feeling worse for wear yesterday afternoon/evening, so I didn't go in to school. I turned in a few of my assignments online... there's one I have left that I have the feeling may not get done. By the time I get around to it, my teach probably won't even accept it... but hey, I'm not taking Creative Writing again to get a good grade am I? (But bad ones make me sad.)

In my desperation, I even took NyQuil... which I generally avoid because it gives me nightmares and/or psychedelic colored dreams (seriously). I guess it did OK last night; no nightmares, but something about putting up mistletoe, and something else about playing volleyball. I feel somewhat better today - clear-headed if nothing else - but I sound worse.

And in my delirium (or at least that's what I'm going to blame it on), I also did some online shopping at (where else) Bath and Body Works. There was a lip gloss for $5 sale... of course, only one I bought (Goldie brand - Pomme) was actually $5. I also got a Pink Buttercream Frosting one (mmm) and Davies Gate Pink Grapefruit. I got their catalogue in the mail yesterday, and strangely they don't have the prices listed. Not as if I should be buying anything else... I've still got to deposit my check from last week or I won't be able to pay the cable bill. Naughty, naughty.

You want less and I want more

I just realized that I have class tomorrow night and have done absolutely no homework yet. Oops. Eh, I can do it tomorrow since I won't have work. Besides class I have only a mini agenda for tomorrow:

- Send in my corrected tax forms and payment to the IRS (insert half-hearted complaint here)
- Fill up my car (ditto)
- Deposit my check from Thursday (di... wait, that's a good one)

Today is the Superbowl which for me means food! Heh heh... the menu is pretty yum: (* denotes my contributions)

APPETIZERS
Bruschetta *
Baked eggplant *
Pizza rolls
Pineapple meatballs
Chips & dip

SIDES
Cheesy Potatoes *
Zucchini Bake *
Baked beans
Potato salad

MAIN
Green chile & cheese tamales * (I helped make them originally, anyway)
Fried chicken
Ribs

DESSERT
Candy Bar Cake *

I made the cake last night, the potatoes this morning... so I only have the zucchini bake and appetizers to do before everyone gets here.

Yesterday I spent way too much time working on my MySpace profile... and finally put a picture up. My little keychain camera is not very good, and neither am I as a photographer, so I took like 20 pics before I got something half-decent. My forehead is still cut off though... grr.

Has anyone else been having issues lately with Blogger messing with URL's when you paste them into entries? Or is this another unique, only-my-weird-template thing?

Fuck 'em, be the first on your block

Last night - awesome. I was brave and went to improv club and had a mini-reunion with K, D and A. I haven't seen D and A since high school so it was lots of fun catching up. D made me laugh so hard, telling me the stuff she remembered about me... such as my use of the word "mooky" (why did I ever stop saying that?), and my obsession with stars (the shape, not the celebs or those things in the sky) and Billy Corgan. Word.

Funny how there are some people you miss but don't realize it until you actually see them again. D and I weren't best friends but we were pretty cool. In either ninth or tenth grade, I remember she and I and A all had this binder of songs we wrote (most were D's, I had two or three, and there were some we did together). I'm so glad I didn't have to wait four more years until the reunion to run into them.

Anyway... improv club itself was actually pretty fun and not too scary. In "Party" I got to be Martha Stewart with tourette's, which is really pretty easy when you think about it. Just act phony and nice and slip in a few words and there ya go. We did... what else... "World's Worst", which I am the world's worst at, but I got off a couple of good ones.

Oh yeah, if you were wondering about my tax appointment: I owe Uncle Sam about $150, but the state of California and I are even. Damn skippy. I have a very nice story about the lady who helped me out, which is that after going through all the stuff on her computer, her computer gave the price of my appointment to be over $200. Eep. She didn't feel this was right (word again) and so went through the actual forms with me and told me what to put where so I could mail my stuff in... and didn't charge me anything. I want to send her something, like a gift card or money order or something... without getting her into some kind of ethical trouble thing. So I'll have to think that over.

Today my mom and I did retail therapy, whoo hoo! Observe:

"Fine Things"
- Neat, old-fashioned St. Patrick's Day greeting cards
- Oatmeal and glycerin soap
- Chocolate Hazelnut lip balm... god am I in heaven

"Amarosa Antiques"
- Headless lady* canvas
- Headless lady

*I really wish someone would come out with a name for these... model's forms basically.

"Jo Ann Fabrics"
-Blank cards and envelopes
- Various neat stickies for cards and scrapboking
- Scrapbooking backgrounds

"Fashion Bug"
- Hella body butters on sale for like $2 for packs of three
- A really cute, huge Mudd messenger bag

"Bath and Body Works"
- "Fantasia di Cioccolata" Tutti Dolci lip gloss (eeeeeeeee!)
- Goldie lip plumper
- Free compact

I had a sinus headache almost all day... I took Sudafed PE in the morning, even knowing that the new formula does nothing. I thought they got rid of the old kind (with pseudoephedrine) entirely because some people apparently use it to make meth (way to spoil the fun for everyone) but my mom found some at Rite-Aid. Sweet. Now my head feels great. Take that, DEA!

Oh, and while we were at the mall we went by the candy store and I got some of the chocolate-covered honeycomb. It's been too long since I've had that stuff.

Nothing to complain about here, people. It is Friday after all.

My love is bigger than your love, sing it... and we're all going straight to hell

First: If you look on the column to the left, you'll see my new bulletin board. I don't expect to get much use out of it, but since comments died and my tagboard is in a coma, I need something reliable for people to use. Yes, you do have to register... just my way of keeping out those annoying fake commenters who are all (usually in broken English) "I liked your site! You should visit mine" and it's some porn thing. Hey, if I want it, I'll look for it myself thank you!

Okay, I know you guys are all completely sick of this, but this will be my VERY LAST COMMENT about "Epitafios" until next Wednesday. Regarding what happened last night: Oh. My. God. This entire thing just took a brand new twist on weird. I am talking fucked up. I'm traumatized... and only slightly exaggerating. The end.

I have my appointment with H&R Block this afternoon. Be good to get that over and done with.

Hmm, not much else going on. Funny, I thought I had more to blog about... that'll teach me.

Tomorrow will be fun... shopping around some neat little stores with my mum.

I wish EC was here, because "When a Stranger Calls" is coming out tomorrow, and we'd have way too much fun laughing at that movie. I must see it or else cry.

I don't know if I'm still going to the improv club meeting at school tonight. I probably will. What else am I going to do, sit at home and watch "CSI" and "The OC" (I'm actually about a week behind on that, my bad.) Or do homework? Bleh.

Everybody here is equally kind

January is over. Finished. Gone. 1/12th of 2006 - history. Ugh.

But there is an upside to this: It's February 1 and I can share with you some of the weirdest things people searched for that led them to my site last month.

The Darya Folsom pervs were still perving it up, with the questionable Ms. Folsom taking up at least ten of the top twenty search strings (and yet I keep mentioning her... yes, I will even stoop to that just to get visitors). Two other random pervs somehow found me while looking for "www. all csi threesome stories ever written.com". I guess they don't know they have to type that in the address bar. And someone was insistent about obtaining "boo raley coin purse." Do they mean Boo Radley? That was his name, right? To Kill a Mockingbird? I should really read that again but my copy fell apart completely. Le sigh.

Now here's some great news: Karla's done yet another hot guy list (or as she says, el papi chulo), and not a minute too soon. The presence of Daniel Sunjata ("Rescue Me"), Antonio Banderas, Jake Gyllenhaal and Kerr Smith make this a drool-worthy post. Thanks Karla!

Right now I am waiting for a call from H&R Block, because I am an idiot. For some reason I thought (and this still makes sense to me) that I would only get a W-2 from my job and not also a 1099 (I worked there without taxes being taken out for a month, maybe month and a half throughout the entire year). But I ended up getting the 1099 yesterday and have to re-file federal and state taxes (I received refunds from both already). I tried getting the forms and instructions and doing it myself, but can't get beyond line two. Put what on line what? They make these things way too complicated.

So there isn't that much more income listed on the 1099, but I'd rather take care of this and make sure the IRS doesn't come and kill me later on. Between the cost of my tax appointment (receptionist said base is about $50 - just by appointment, not per hour - and generally doesn't exceed $100) and whatever else I might owe, I just hope I don't spend everything I got on the refund. Oy. This will teach me to be eager about getting things done early.

I think I slept even worse last night than I did Monday night. I went to bed right after "American Idol" (I know, I know) at 9:00, fell asleep quick, and woke up hella times during the night. I know at least once I was freaked out about a dream I've now forgotten. I woke up at 6:15 and said "Screw this, I'm just getting up." I feel sleepier right now than I did then.

Right now my parents and brother are getting ready to go to Costco... I was going to also tag along but realized a day off is too precious to spend at Costco. I figure it'll give me at least two quality hours at home alone*... though, I may waste some of it going to shop for junk at Wal-green's.

*You're never alone when you've got two dogs, and an aquarium full of fish.**

**We've got two freaky but cool blue ones now. My mom said the girl at the pet store says this certain kind of fish is naturally white but they get injected with color. Ouch! But how do they get the fish to hold still?

Tomorrow I'll probably drive my brother to school in the morning and spend an hour or so in the office, finishing up filing and other random things. I'm still waiting to hear back from this publishing comopany chick about another project I'm supposed to work on. And I'll probably take my brother to school again at night... this girl I had acting with before is doing an improv club and their meeting is tomorrow night. I was always really, really bad at improv - what can I say, I need a script - but thought I'd maybe be brave and check it out anyway.

Well, I'll go. While waiting for my call maybe I'll take off my nail polish. Why do the most noticeable colors always chip so fast?