"What are you doing? We don't stop here."

I watched "Mulholland Drive" last night - kinda. I started it way too late, almost 9:00, and kept dozing off. MD is one of my favorite movies, but one I don't watch very often because, well, it freaks me out. After watching it, I usually spend days with that unsettling deja vu feeling. Anyway, I missed most of the last half, and I was going to watch it today (it's due back at Hollywood video tomorrow), but...

1. The DVD is all one big chapter so I can't skip past everything I've already seen

2. It's Memorial Day, and the "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" marathon is on! That's what I really love about the holidays; you can't not find an episode of one of the various L&O's to watch.

What else have I been doing?

- Quietly freaking out about my work/job situation

- I read Kim Edwards' "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" for my book club meeting next week. I hope "Running With Scissors" (our next book) is funny, becuase TMKD is a serious tearjerker. Okay, it might just be sissy, emotional me. No, it is sad.

- I've started watching season one of "Arrested Development." I wish I'd known before how hilarious this show was, or I would have watched it when it was actually on.

- Though the current season of "The Shield" is nearly over, I'm continuing to catch up on season 5 on DVD. It's got me somewhat confused, and even more frightened of Forest Whitaker, who is amazing. Oh: it also freaked me out yesterday when I realized that Laura Elena Harring (from "Mulholland Drive") also appears as a lawyer on the show.

It's too early for lunch, but I'm hungry. I always am on the days when I have a healthy breakfast (today: Raisin bran and yogurt), but I'm attempting to balance out the total pigout I had yesterday. Way too much pizza, way too much leftover quiche... mmm. I might make a quiche tonight, though, because we have a bunch of leftover steak that is begging to be mixed up with a lot of cheese. I think we're all out of fresh veggies, though, except for onion and lettuce. We do have a lot of fruit, but I don't think that would work so well...

I have been craving peach cobbler lately. EC makes a great one that I haven't had in way too long, and I have the recipe, but it involves rolling of dough and other stuff I'm too lazy for. The recipe I use is one I adapted from Paula Deen, and I always undercook it a little (hey, there's no eggs, it's no big thing) because I love how the dough is thick and super-gooey.

Damn, I just made myself more hungry. I'm going to try to find something quick and yum.

What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you

It's official: our favorite plastic surgeons will be joining us this fall for their 5th season on FX.






I hope the doctors' move to Hollywood will pump some blood back into the series after a pretty lifeless fourth season. I guess it's too much to hope that they'd bring back Ava Moore (Famke Janssen) somehow. I did read that Nicole Kidman begged (or, you know, just asked politely) for them to write her a part in the upcoming season. I have to admit, being a patient on this show would be just as cool, if not more so, than being a dead person on "Six Feet Under."

Speaking of Nicole Kidman, I read last week on (where else) IMDB that Katie Holmes was in a tiff about some porn star who, inspired by Katie's "innocence" (huh?), was re-naming herself Katee Holmes. This item also mentioned that Katee is planning on losing her virginity onscreen. I read that and my first thought was, "How can a porn star be a virgin?" Then I remembered that I once wrote a short story about a girl who was a porn star, and, indeed, a virgin. It was pretty funny; I'll have to write that again someday.

In other news, I'm now bored with my blog template and have found another one I like a lot. Depending on when I get over this funk I'm in, you'll see a brand new look around here.

I always loved you so, especially when you'd go

My horoscope for tomorrow, which I found kinda eerie because of how I talked last time regarding my inability to not do the "middle path" (not going to extremes) thing:

You are challenged by the difficulty in finding the middle path. What you do now is either totally amazing or just not good enough -- and you cannot tell which. It's as if someone has put a distortion filter on the volume control of your senses. You know what you want, but others may tell you that you shouldn't ask for so much.

Yes, I know this is only interesting to me, but hey, it is my bloggie!

What else have I been up to since Sunday?

Yesterday, I went to the office for a not-quite-half day, and over an hour of it was spent on the phone with the guy who is putting the new website together before I take over my new title as webmaster on June 1. Eep. He (virtually) showed me around the new site and its CMS, and now I feel somewhat less nervous about taking the job. Then I think, what do I really have to be nervous about?

1. I'll do just fine!
2. My boss and I already agreed to start this on a "trial" basis to see if it works out for everyone
3. If it doesn't work out for everyone, I have my weekend job to get me by while I search for something else permanent.

Speaking of which, I do have an interview on Thursday morning. It's for a city job that I took the written exam for way back in March, and I thought I had either not passed* or they chose someone else. Then two weeks ago I get an e-mail inviting me to call for an actual interview, so I figured, why not?

*Okay, I never thought that. I'm conceited. I always pass tests, unless I don't want to.

Today, I took an actual, real day off! I didn't go to the office, and didn't work from home (I checked my work e-mail once, but there was nothing pressing). What did I do? Online shopping, but only a few books from Amazon; finished Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons"; went through my writing binder and dumped some stuff I know I'll never write, so I can concentrate on the awesome ones; and watched Judge Alex. Hello, he was a cop, and a lawyer, and now a judge - how can I not crush on him? He's not super pretty, but he makes me laugh.

Since we're already somewhat on the subject, it's that time again: "TV Notes!"

"Kyle XY" - I saw a commercial last night for the second season, which begins Monday, June 11. I only watched the pilot ep of the first one, but it seemed pretty interesting. And now that I've got DVD on the weekend job, I can hopefully catch up in time. I don't know, I've been more open to sci-fi-ish shows lately (this, "The 4400", "Invasion")

"The Sopranos" - This last Sunday's episode was both hilariously disturbing, and disturbingly hilarious. Or something. What can I say, I've somehow got an appreciation for shows where things can take dramatic turns from funny to scary/crazy in just a few moments ("Oz," anyone?).

AJ's suicide attempt (plastic bag on his head, and a cinderblock tied to his leg, in the swimming pool) started out as one of those scenes where you're kind of chortling at first, like, "Come on, seriously!" Then Tony gets home and saves his son, who is now crying in this really soul-wrenching, heartbreaking way, and all of a sudden you're, "Oh my god, this is some deep shit." I don't think actor Robert Iler's been given much to work with before, but he's won me over.

I'd say I wish they'd give Meadow (Jamie Lynn DiScala) a good storyline, but with only two (!) episodes left in the series, I don't think they'll have the time. Everyone else seems to dislike her, but what can I say, I've got a soft spot for my fellow spoiled, smart-but-aimless, daddy's girls. I really liked her insightful comment this episode to AJ, who was complaining that she was the one their parents truly cared about: "You're the son in an Italian family. You'll always be more important." Ouch. I know I couldn't deal with that. Neither, I suspect, could Janice (Tony's sister, played by Aida Turturro); I wonder what mischief she'll get up to before the series is over? Personally, I think she'd make a way better boss. But anyway.

"Heartland" Don't we have enough medical dramas? Though I'm almost tempted to watch this one, as it stars Treat Williams and Kari Matchett. Yet... not tempted enough. Plus, I am still holding a grudge against TNT for having the gag-inducing "Judging Amy" in their afternoon lineup.

You were the first explosion, turned out to be corrosion

I hung out with LT on Friday, and I was telling him about something that is totally not a "secret," but that I haven't talked about much. He was really surprised about the nonchalant (his word, but a fitting one) way that it came out, and since then I have given it some thought. I really do tend to not tell people, even close friends, important/big/emotional things until it is either unavoidable, or no longer relevant, or I pass it off as unimportant information. And now what I'm doing is questioning: Why am I this way?

I've always prided myself on being there for other people to talk to and share their troubles with, but can I actually be good at that when I don't share stuff with others? I don't necessarily think that my problems are unimportant compared to everyone else's (okay, they often are), and I certainly am lucky enough to have close friends that I could confide in about anything.

I know I wasn't always this way. In, say, high school (definitely not my best years) I never had a problem crying in front of other people. These days, the thought of doing that just makes me shudder, as if my tears are something to be ashamed of.

If pressured to make a guess, I'd say this is just one of the many issues I have "balancing" problems with. My style is to either do nothing, or do too much (this is why I don't do drugs or smoke, and try not to drink much; I'd probably go from one cigarette a day to one pack a day in about a week). Between the polar opposites of bleeding everywhere and internally hemorrhaging, I've for whatever reason made the choice to suffer* silently.

*I can't even type that without rolling my eyes. I'm a young, mostly healthy, somewhat educated, comfortably fed-clothed-and-housed, American. The only things I could know about real suffering are what I see in the news.

The point is... I don't seem to trust myself to be myself, if being myself means not always being cheerful or strong, and that needs to change. Who exactly am I doing a favor by posturing and acting like nothing bothers me? I'm betting: no one.

We now return you to your reguarly scheduled shallow blog entry!

- I can register for fall semester tomorrow! Sweet.

- There's a TV and DVD player at work now, so I have something else to amuse me besides my book and crossword puzzles. Good thing I took in a couple discs of "The OC" today, because until about 12:30 it was ridiculously slow. Then, of course, a million people had to come in at once.

- Though it would be nice to get away sooner, I am soon going to be planning a solo mini-vacay for myself in August. Twice before I have tried to do this, and both times something came up (something being lack of money) that cancelled it, but this year I'm doing it for sure.

- Apparently ABC is not putting "Football Wives" (see my May 3 entry, the one with a picture of the drool-worthy Eddie Cibrian) on their fall schedule. Dude! This is like the second time they've jacked me around by not showing a series with a hot guy... the first instance being when they didn't show "Enemies" with Jeffrey Donovan and Peter Facinelli last year. That's the one and only thing I hate about IMDB, you find out about these awesome, or potentially awesome, projects that don't work out. Wah...

I can dream about you if I can't hold you tonight

Well, have I had a whirlwind of a week! I think... I can't remember it, really.

I worked from home Monday, which was pretty cool. I got to sleep in, and caught up on laundry, which is always fun, right?

I was in the office yesterday until about noon, and stopped by the grocery store on my way home. I saw Hot Jerk again, but no, I didn't say hi as I was planning to. Besides his general unfriendliness, I'd have to say that the biggest obstacle between us is this giant food cart he's always pushing around. I haven't even gotten close enough to read his nametag, which might be a good thing; I can't crush on a guy whose name I don't know.

Today was a mite (and by mite I mean totally) busier, and I still have stuff to do. I went to the office, worked, came home, did some online shopping (after at least three years, I'm getting a new phone from Virgin Mobile! More details when it arrives), finished my newest short story (hooray!) and went out to dinner with my dad. There's a restaurant - actually bar - nearby that serves some exotic food and is closing in a few weeks, so we went to try it.

My dad got the rattlesnake (I tried it - just like chicken!), I got the frog legs (pretty good; similar to shark but much more tender) and we also got alligator which was definitely my favorite. Mmm, weird animals. I also had a margarita that was pretty darn tasty. Usually I only drink the frozen fruity ones, but this one ruled. Yet, I remain sober enough to blog coherently, and pick up my brother from school later. D'oh?

Since I have a conference call for work on Friday (my normal day off) I'll be going in. I was looking forward to a day of nothing but writer's club tomorrow, but as it turns out, I'm going to have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I need to talk some sense into those people. Can't you just give a girl her pills and be done with it? (Besides, I'm not taking anything fun.)

The forecast for my weekend: Saturday, work; Sunday, work.

I'd give you TV notes, but I don't have any. I'm behind on everything. I'm also busy counting down the days until season two of "Prison Break" comes out on DVD, made fairly difficult by the fact that I don't know when that is. The third season will (or SHOULD) start in August, so I'm betting on a late July/early August release. I may camp out in front of Best Buy the next before it comes out. Seriously. My obsession with the show and its characters/actors is quite frankly unhealthy... but I'll blame it on the frog legs*.

*The guy at the restaurant was so making fun of me, saying that frog's legs are an aphrodisiac... which would have been a lot funnier if I was not with my dad. Thanks, dude!

I keep thinking of these great topics to do mini-blogs on when my life is boring (often), but I never write them down and always forget what they are. You'd swear I don't own half of the world's blank notebooks, and approximately 11,235 pens.

Don't you get a little bit lonely hiding in crowded places

I had a nice, relaxing day off on Friday. I did leave the house with my mom, though, in search of some pillar candles for these candleholders I got her for her bathroom hella days ago. They didn't have any of the right size at either Pier One or Cost Plus! I did stock up on Nutella, though... mmm. I can feel my pants getting tighter as I speak (type?).

I do need to watch my eating though - I was losing for awhile and now I'm maintaining, but only just. I've been too busy to exercise* and too lazy to eat healthy... excuses, excuses, huh? The Gazelle is in storage now, but I still have my (groan) aerobic step in my room.

*Maybe I should be doing that instead of blogging? Eh...

I had a good weekend at work. I got a lot (well, a lot for me, which isn't much) of writing done yesterday, and today was super-slow. Luckily I had a big book; a collection of essays from "Bitch" magazine that was lots of fun and engaging to read. It made me wish I was more intellectual and could write non-fiction stuff that was smart and funny.

My mom seemed to like the presents I got her for Mother's Day - a DVD collection of Paula Deen's dessert recipes, and two lotions from Bath and Body Works: Orange Freeze (like a Creamsicle) and the other is called Iced Tea or something like that. When I saw the tea one I'm like, "They have got to be kidding me, that's disgusting!" But it actually smells fresh and yum, even to someone like me who is not a fan of tea. We didn't do much today, but we did have delish steak for dinner.

Oh, and I had one of the cocktails I bought from Raley's last week. They came in a super-cute four pack of little bottles: Cocktails by Jenn. Tonight I tried the Tropical Blue Lagoon (I got the variety pack of all four flavors) which was good but strong. I know I'm a lightweight, but it still surprised me. What it tasted like was a melted blue Otter Pop with way too much vodka. I'm kind of afraid to try the other ones now (cosmo, appletini, lemon drop), but the bottles are adorable and I'm going to save them.

I need and want to be asleep now, but I just remembered that I have to bag up some books for donation tomorrow... d'oh. Knowing me, I'll just get sidetracked and forget and have to cart them down to the Goodwill myself. I'm going to be working from home tomorrow, so I don't have to drag myself out of bed early. I was so mad this morning; I woke up 20 minutes before my alarm was set to go off and couldn't fall back asleep! My brain does like to tease me so.

I think I almost hear but it's not clear

This is my 400th post since beginning the blog in January 2005! Yay!

In "I'm so not a genius" news, I stopped by Target on the way home after work, intending only to be in and out of the store. Well, I was; but getting outside, I soon realized I'd locked myself out of the car. Not one of my finer moments. At least the house is only 10 minutes away and my mom could bring me the extra set of keys.

In "Ew" news, people in my house are getting sick with something gross, and if I catch it I'm going to punch somebody in the face. I was going to work from home today, but I wanted to get away from germs for at least a few hours. I brought enough home with me today in case I decide to not go in tomorrow, and instead quarantine myself in my room while wearing a Hazmat suit, or something. (I hate being sick that much.)

One last thing I forgot to whine about yesterday: When I was Raley's, I bought this combo pack of four cocktails (comsopolitan, lemon drop, appletini, and... something blue?) and I DIDN'T GET CARDED. Ugh, do I look that old!

What else is there to say, it's such a sunny day

Work on Saturday was hella busy, at least compared to what it's usually like. And, I had my first (hopefully last?) obnoxious customer. She kept asking me (and, eventually, others) to do things that we literally couldn't do. I'm not looking forward to seeing her again, but I probably will because she bought an annual pass. Grr.

It was really weird - on both days, I took a book from my grandma's paperback collection and kept having deja vu even though I have never read either book before. Saturday I read Jayne Ann Krentz' "Falling Awake" (predictable but enjoyably trashy) and on Sunday was Martin Amis' "The Rachel Papers" (gross). But speaking of my grandma's books, on Friday night I picked out a few more before my mom gave the rest to the neighbor. Now I'll be able to finish the copy of Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons" that I got halfway through when I stayed at the house last July.

I went out Saturday evening for some shopping and had a pretty good time. I went to Best Buy (running randomly into JH and NJ) and got the Shiny Toy Guns "We Are Pilots." I've listened to it a couple times since then and it seems pretty cool. I was hoping to find a good movie or TV series on DVD for my mom, but nothing seemed right... I hate that.

I did end up going to Bath and Body Works, but amazingly, didn't buy anything for myself. Really! I bought two things as presents and that was it. I love going there, even if I don't buy stuff (rare, but it happens). It's just a peaceful, nice-smelling place, ha ha.

At Target I found something else for my mom, and random makeup stuff for myself. I don't know what's up with my skin lately, but I have been breaking out and I hate it! I have always had fairly good skin, so it's quite annoying. I bought this Biore astringent/toner that I'm hoping will work, and it smells so good. I'm almost tempted to drink it, but that would probably be bad.

(Random interjection: Only one of my computer speakers is working, which makes Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night" sound really stupid. I don't know why electronics are always plotting against me.)

My last stop of the night was Mervyn's, where I found two cute tops. One is purple and white with hearts, and the other is like a dark yellow with orange-and-brown flowers. I know I always rant about how I hate yellow, and don't really do fall colors, but I think I can make this top work

Due to people being over on Saturday night I didn't fall asleep until way too late (eleven o'clock). Between that and waking up a couple times before getting up for work, I got about four and a half hours of sleep... which is at least an hour less than I need to function like a human. I did okay at work on Sunday, but was not very pleasant at home in the afternoon. But I did force myself to pack up a bunch of boxes for storage, so now my room is in showable condition. Well, except for all the dust. Eh, I'll Swiffer it this afternoon.

I was at work yesterday but only for awhile. I went in late and my boss never did show up, so I took some work to do at home and went grocery shopping. I went to Raley's (of course!) and bought some healthy stuff... veggies, an Odwalla juice (yay vitamin C!), Kettle Chips (hey, they're... kinda healthy... not really) and two frozen Kashi meals. I had the chicken florentine for lunch today, and it was delish! I've tried almost all of their meals, except for the Lemongrass and something else chicken, and the Black Bean Mango. Beans freak me out.

Bonus: I saw one of the hot guys who works there! My mom always teases me because she has never seen him, and doesn't believe he exists. Um, harsh. I actually made eye contact with him this time (at first I thought it was just me he was ignoring, but after watching him - not in a stalker way, promise - I've noticed that he doesn't really look at anybody. I think he belongs on the hot jerk list) and smiled, but next time I'm going to say hello! Wow, I so sound 14 years old.

I didn't want to wake up this morning, I was sleeping so good. I woke up at six, fell back asleep for half an hour and then forced myself to get up. No one else was at the office for the first two hours I was there, which was kinda nice but also creepy.

My mom bought me a tin of the cinnamon Altoids that are covered in dark chocolate. I thought they would be gross, but they're actually good in a weird way. They make your tongue look yucky if you let the chocolate melt instead of just chewing it right away, butI have the feeling they could quickly become an addiction.

Aw, Pepe almost crashed into the mirror trying to catch this fly in my room! And he (Pepe, not the fly) is already upset because my parents have a guest, so he is stuck in here with me. I'm not too happy about this arrangement either, but at least the fly has distracted him enough to stop barking.

I haven't really done any TV notes lately, have I? I'll try for a few:

"The Sopranos" Is it just me, or has every episode since the final season began included a trip to the Bada Bing, complete with naked chicks? I'd complain about this show's lack of male nudity over the years, but this is like the one HBO series with no hotties, except maybe Christopher (Michael Imperioli).

"The Riches" I'm really loving this show. Eddie Izzard is great as the con man with a conscience, and Minnie Driver is alternately hilarious and heart-breaking. I also find the storyline about their youngest child, Sam, a young boy with transgender issues, especially interesting and thoughtful.

"Big Love" The new season doesn't start until June 11, but what's up with them moving to Monday? I thought they fit quite nicely into the Sunday night dysfunctional family slot that was left open after the end of "Six Feet Under."

"Weeds" This hasn't started yet either, but do they really expect me to watch it without Martin Donovan? Oh, who am I kidding - as long as Celia (Elizabeth Perkins) and Doug (Kevin Nealon) are there to trade insults, I'll be there to see it.

My desk is a mess pt. 2

It really is! And yes, I cleaned it the first time. Only a few days (or however) later and already I'm crowded with receipts and papers and blah blah blah. (Hey, I promised you a real entry; I didn't promise it would be really interesting.)

So, I got my hair cut on Monday. It's really short. She was actually able to cut off a ponytail long enough to donate. I wanted something light and fluffy, but it's not exactly how I pictured it in my head. It doesn't exactly do what I want, but then, that's pretty much how my hair always acts. Mind of its own, I tell you.

I finally got my first check from my weekend job on Tuesday. The day before I called my boss all, "I haven't gotten my check for the pay period that ended two weeks ago!" Turned out, it was in the building, in the drawer with the blank time cards. That's the last place I would think to look, which shows you that I'm... well, kind of an idiot. On the plus side, I'm an idiot with a little bit of money!

I didn't go to my last cooking class session on Wednesday (this is where you roll your eyes and shake your head in exasperation). All I will say about that is: I hate last minute work assignments. To be fair to my boss, this time it actually wasn't his fault, but someone we work with in New York. And to be fair to her, she's new and her predecessor apparently explained nothing.

But that same day, I got a small amount of satisfaction from saying no to an assignment. I was really reluctant to do so at first, but then I remembered how I was going to leave the company for precisely that (well, among other) reason, and that's why my job there is changing. So, I said no. And it felt great! How often are we able to say no to things we don't want to do? And even if we can't, we usually don't, which is too bad.

I think I'll start one of those lame, New Age-y empowerment seminars: "Embrace your no!" But then I'd just end up with a bunch of smartasses who say no to paying me. D'oh...

My stomach has been bothering me the past couple days. Nothing gross or really painful, just annoying - like, I get full much faster than I usually would. Which is annoying because my parents just bought a bunch of yum groceries. I have been having an alarming amount of junk food, though, which I'm sure is part of the ow-ness.

I did make fresh juice a few days ago - apples, oranges, pears, grapes. It tasted okay, but I don't feel like I got much benefit from it. What I really need is an Odwalla Vitamin C monster. Mmm, 1,000-percent. Plus, fresh juice is weird in the way that it separates into different layers (if you use more than one fruit). I threw out the leftover juice today and it looked so gross, like used motor oil or something.

Last night, I went to my first writers club meeting in almost two months. Wow, that's not good. I'm out of my writing slump now, though, and very excited about that! I'm finally finishing my current story next meeting, and so ready to start something else.

Tomorrow evening after work, I am heading out for some much-needed retail therapy. I don't know if I trust myself at Bath and Body Works, but I need some stuff from Target, and will probably hit up Barnes and Noble as well. I've been averaging one book a day on my weekend job, and I'm nearly through the small pile of "new" books that I have.

I'm going to need to buy Kim Edwards' "The Memory Keeper's Daughter," which is to be discussed at my next book club meeting in June. I wasn't sure before if I would make that one because I was thinking of taking a class, but now I just know I won't be able to make myself go do stuff every Sunday after work, so I won't. You may call it laziness, but I call it... well, laziness, but laziness in the name of sanity and not getting burned out.

Judge Judy is about to be on, so I'm done - I need my daily dose of bitchiness. Bitchiness that isn't my own, I mean.

I wanted to tame you but you never came through

I'll make a real post tomorrow, but today I had to share some FABULOUS news. ABC is doing an American version of the British show "Footballers Wives" called "Football Wives" (way to be creative huh) that will (hopefully) premier in the fall.

I've only seen a few episodes of "Footballers Wives" but I can tell you that it is a wonderfully trashy show. I'm looking forward to the American one not only for that reason, but also because it is going to star Eddie Cibrian, who is quite possibly the finest specimen of man, like, ever.





See what I mean? Any show where there is even the most remote chance of him wearing tight pants, I'm so there.